Sweet Revenge
by MoaninMyrtle410
Summary: What's a boy to do? This is as much physical contact as you'll get with me, Potter...so she says! James goes in deep for Lily's love. mention of rape, rated R for sexual context
1. Dreams

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything that has to do with it, although I do wish I did (props to JK Rowling for being brilliant)!**

Sweet Revenge

Chapter 1: Dreams

           She took his hand and led him up the Astronomy Tower giggling with her perfectly silky red hair flowing behind her. He smiled, it turned out Ms. Lillian I'm so perfect Evans was a very naughty girl! She shut the door with her foot and…

"Mr. Potter!" McGonagall snapped sharply.

James grimaced at the rude awakening, realizing where he was. Thirty Hogwarts students had their heads turned in his direction, Lily Evans was among them. He groaned. Transfiguration had only begun ten minutes ago and he was already sleeping.

"Woolgathering, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall inquired with a quirked eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, Professor. It won't happen again," he said solemnly.

"As Head Boy, I would expect you to set an example for your peers. Look at Miss Evans," McGonagall turned to the young lady in the front seat with her hands folded and her ankles crossed.

"Gladly," James muttered incoherently. A few boys around him snickered.

Lily proudly turned to McGonagall with a smile on her face waiting for the compliments to wash over her. She had worked extremely last year and wanted to hear about her achievements, especially if they were to make James Potter jealous of her intelligence. Someone needed to put him down to minimize his ego, although being Qudditch Captain, handsome, Head Boy and popular had stopped anyone from trying. Besides, he was a Marauder and if you messed with one, you messed with all of them.

" Miss Evans is currently taking two more classes than the normal student body-" McGonagall said. Lily nodded to verify.

"I do, too!" James interrupted. And in fact, he and Lily were in the same classes.

"She placed well on her N.E.W.T.S.-" she continued and Lily's smile widened.

"As did I!" James interrupted again.

"AND," Professor McGonagall added shrilly, "She is sitting in her chair listening to the lecture without drifting into sleep with her eyes open! She is an outstanding example since she is Head Girl!" Lily turned in her chair and stuck her tongue out at James. He winked at her, but all that got him was a dirty look and her back turned to him.

"Perhaps, Professor, James thinks it's okay to woolgather about the Head Girl!" a lofty voice commented from behind Lily. Sirius Black. Swiftly, Lily swung her leg back so her heel came in contact with Sirius' shin. He howled from pain, propped his foot up on his chair, rolled up his pant leg and observed the purple and blue bruise forming from the angry red welt.

The class erupted with laughter. Lily turned red from embarrassment and anger.

"Oh sure, Professor, Lilikins is a great example!" Sirius said sarcastically while nursing his sore shin.

James slapped his palm to his forehead. He should have known Sirius would say something eventually, he was being far too quiet during class. But James was hardly embarrassed since the whole school knew he had been panting after Lily since their first year. All the girls fawned over James, literally. With one smile from him in a classroom, he could hear fifteen sighs of adoration.

Lily would definitely not be one of them. Ever since the first day he tried to ask her out, and then the continuous pestering, she hated him. She hated the way he deliberately pranked her, made her feel stupid for studying so hard and for acting like he was God. She was sick of the Girls Dormitory, which was slathered with posters, pictures, and newspaper articles about the famous James Potter. The only emotion she ended up feeling because of James was absolute frustration. If the most popular guy at school had been goggling at her for six years, why wouldn't Amos even turn his head to say one word to her!

Amos Diggory. Lily smiled dreamily while picturing the tall blond man with his shockingly handsome features animatedly talking to her.

"Ms. Evans!" McGonagall cried out with an exasperated sigh. If all this daydreaming kept occurring, she would never get through her lesson, especially if it was coming from her two best students.

"Wha-Oh! I'm so sorry Professor!" Lily exclaimed as she realized she was drawing hearts instead of taking notes.

"This is unacceptable! Really now! Ten points from Gryffindor for Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans' constant daydreaming!" The students from Gryffindor groaned. What a way to start the year.

When class had been dismissed, James discreetly tucked a note into Lily's bag. He would have flown it to her during class, but McGonagall had kept an annoyingly close eye on both of them.

"Come on, lover boy!" Sirius sang out from the hallways.

"Seriously Prongs, I've got to get to Potions! Professor Arcsine will stew me if I'm late!" Remus said while shifting from one foot to another impatiently.

"Oooh!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed with a roguish glint in his eye. Ana Belle had snuck up behind him and grabbed his rear.

"Meet me in the Resource Room," she whispered raggedly and blew softly at the sensitive skin of his ear.

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius had a reputation of being wanted as much as James. They were inseparable except when one of them was getting laid, which was often. Sirius was more of a dog than James though, literally. Their Animagus forms brought out the animal in them. Unfortunately, Remus did not have that option and turned into a werewolf every full moon. But then again, he was the most reasonable out of the group. Sirius was a dog: loyal, friendly, and horny. Remus laughed at how, ironically, it fit him perfectly. Then there was James who was a stag. He was noble, intelligent, powerful and handsome. Then Peter Pettigrew was a rat. Remus didn't quite understand why Pettigrew was a rat, but maybe it was because he looked like one as a human.

James joined his friends and walked down the hallway to their next class. Very soon the hallways were filled with girls tittering and guy glaring from jealousy.

"Hey James," Isabella said as she passed him. He said hello and swept his hand through his messy black hair. Seconds later,

"Hey James," Beatrice said softly as he passed. He smiled and she sighed in delight. Seconds later,

"Hello, Potter!" Diana crooned as she came up next the Marauders, "You were awesome at the Quidditch match last weekend. I could tell you had everything under control. You're so strong and brave," She blushed prettily and batted her eyelashes. James disliked Diana as much as he was infatuated Lily so he tried to turn to Sirius, but he was occupied talking to another girl. Then he tried to talk to Remus, but he noticed they already passed the Potions room and he had dashed inside to get to his seat. Peter was nowhere in sight. Peter was never in sight now that James thought about it.

"James Potter!" came the accusing voice of Lily. He was relieved to see her and smiled knowing she had found his letter.

**Meet me in the broom closet after school! I have a surprise for you!  –James**

When Lily came up to James, she noticed the Slytherin slut stroking his arm and gazing into his eyes. Lily was thoroughly disgusted.

"Shove off, tramp!" Lily glared icily at Diana. James chuckled softly to himself.

Diana, befuddled, raised her hand to slap Lily but James caught it quickly and all but growled.

"Don't try it." He warned and flung her hand back. She left without a word.

Out of nowhere, Lily's hand shot out and smartly smacked him in the face. It stung and James grabbed Lily's wrists to prevent it from happening again.

"What the hell was that for!" he cried out as he felt the hot handprint burning on his cheek.

"That, James Potter, was for your stupidity!" she cried out trying to wrench her wrists free, but he was too strong, "This," she stomped on his foot with the heel of her shoe, "is for Sirius' stupidity!"

"Wait-!" he tried to say, but she brought her knee up to hit his precious goods. He fell instantly.

"And THAT is for your note assuming that I'd be a whore to go into a closet to snog with you!" Lily pushed James over with her foot so she could look at him. She squatted and leaned in close to his face, which was scrunch in pain.

"This is as much physical contact as you'll get with me, Potter!" She got up, ripped the note into as many pieces as she could and threw them at James. As she was walking away with her chin held high, he managed to sit up and prop himself up against the wall. She turned the corner and disappeared into the classroom.

Silence filled the empty hallway.

"I was only going to teach you to fly," he whispered sadly to no one as he leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, "Just to fly," Lily wasn't usually abusive, but when she was, it hurt like hell and James got a taste of it.


	2. Desperate Measures

Chapter 2: Desperate Measures

During dinner, Sirius was engrossed with telling all about his make out session with Ana, but James was not in the mood. With one hand, he picked up his fork and nudged the peas together in an attempt to create a picture, and with his other hand he set his cheek down to rest. It was the cheek that Lily had slapped earlier that day.

"Prongs?" Sirius asked after noticing his best friend's absolute silence, "What's wrong, mate?"

James dropped his fork with a loud clatter and turned his head up to Sirius. There had to be a way to get Lily to like him, or at least look at him without sneering. James and Sirius were both masters of romance, but James was the one who needed the help this time.

"Evans," he said simply.

Sirius' face fell. James had been trying to get Lily to date him for six years. You would think a guy could take a hint and move on, but when James wanted something, he would do anything in his power he could to get it; and James had a lot of power. Sirius never understood why James liked Lily anyway. Besides being beyond beautiful with her dark red hair and emerald eyes, she was a nag. She was too smart, too friendly, too helpful and too much everything. Sirius shuddered at the thought of dating her. It would always be a competition of who was better. Actually, when he thought about it, James and Lily competed very often during class. Their hands would shoot up after every question to see who could answer first, they would both answer in a matter-of-fact voice and they would both be trying to out-do one another (no complaints though, since it got Gryffindor more House points). Of course, since James was a Marauder, no one thought he was a bookworm. Lily, on the other hand, spent most of her time in the library. Sirius shuddered again at the thought of staying in the library for as long as Lily did. Eventually, he would go to an insane asylum if he were cooped up in a room surrounded by books instead of girls.

"What am I gunna do. I can't even get her to smile at me," James sighed. It was so much easier with the other girls. They were perfectly infatuated with him.

"You know what I think?" Sirius asked with his black eyes widening with a plan.

"Do I want to know?" James groaned. Sirius' plans usually went awry, which is why James usually planned everything.

"I think you do," Sirius smirked slightly, "Look over at Evans, Prongs, and tell me what you see," Sirius commanded. James lifted his head to search down the table and found that Lily's eyes were glazed with delight and she had a stupid smile on her face.

"What's she lookin' at?" James asked unable to conjure one thought that would make Lily's eyes shine like that.

"What, or who?" Sirius smiled.

James lifted his head again, this time to observe Lily's line of vision. In front of her was Lucious Malfoy from Slytherin; the next table over with Ravenclaw and Bryn Broom was sitting talking to Ana Belle. Then at the Hufflepuff's he saw Amos Diggory.

"Diggory," James spat.

"Golden Boy," Sirius corrected.

"Pretty Boy!" Remus added, catching the drift of the conversation.

"Why do people like that kid anyway?" James asked as his head moved from Lily to Amos and back again.

"I have no idea. But check it out, he's got blond hair and blue eyes. Freakin' Nazi!" Sirius bit out.

"He's a nice kid, that's all. He's nice, and handsome," Remus stated flatly.

"Cut it out, Moony. You sound like a girl!" Sirius smacked the side of Remus' head.

"What's the plan, Padfoot?" James asked trying to get the gang back on track.

Sirius' eyes gleamed with delight. It took his approximately three seconds to think of this plan and he had a feeling James would actually go along with it.

"Polyjuice Potion," Sirius whispered. James groaned at the thought of having to drink some part of Diggory's body. Remus shook his head.

"There are too many complications. We've got to figure some stuff before James dives into this. You are going to do this, aren't you?" Remus asked.

"I have to. I'm desperate for just one conversation where she isn't glaring at me. Maybe through Diggory I can get her to like me a little. Or maybe a lot…" James thought. Remus shrugged and continued.

"First, where're we going to stow Diggory once James has taken the potion?" Remus asked Sirius since he had thought of the plan after all.

"We could keep him under the Invisibility Cloak?" Sirius suggested.

"Well, how long is James going to stay as Diggory?" Remus inquired. Sirius turned to James so he could answer it himself.

"I think a week should do well enough?" Again, James winced at the thought of having to drink a piece of Diggory for seven days straight since the potion only lasted for a day.

The boys spent the rest of dinner sorting out the details. Sirius came up with the plan to make it look like James was having family problems at home by sending him letter from his mum and dad. Dumbledore would let James go home for a week.

"POTTER!" Lily screamed down the table impatiently. James jumped up; he was concentrating so hard that every sound in the dining room was cut off until Lily screamed his name.

"POTTER!" Lily screamed again. This time James turn around and hurriedly brought his finger up to his lips in an attempt to tell her to be quieter, but already, the whole school was looking at the Gryffindor table.

"Are you deaf, you big oaf!" Lily snapped.

"What do you want!" James asked a little above a whisper.

"I've been asking you at least seven times to pass the damn pumpkin juice!" Lily screeched.

"You're fussing over pumpkin juice?" Sirius asked in a bored voice that made Lily's complaining sound childish.

"How's that shin doing, Black?" Lily reminded Sirius of what happened the last time he made a stupid comment about her. Sirius glared and turned back to James who had flown the pumpkin juice over to her without a word so they could keep planning.

"Why, Prongs? Why her? She can be such a witch, and not in the magical way!" Sirius felt the bruise on his shin to verify his accusation. No girl had ever physically abused Sirius. Ever.

James shrugged. There was something about Lily that was unexplainable. She was such a mystery to him and he wanted to figure out why. All the other girls were to open to him and some even told him things that he did not even want to know, but not Lily. She basically chained herself to a chair in the library and sat there for hours and he wondered why she preferred reading books to dating him. He was the most wanted boy in the whole school and it seemed that Lily did not even notice. She was in her own world and he wanted to be a part of it. James saw how amiable she was when she was talking to her friends and the far away look she had when she was thinking about Diggory and he wanted that all for himself.

"I'm being so selfish," James whispered to himself after realizing why he was going to do this.

Remus overheard, but he didn't say anything. James had a good sense in whatever he was doing and Remus was glad that James realized his motives were selfish. Hopefully with this in mind, James would be careful of what he said and how he acted as Amos Diggory.

"HEY DIGGORY!" Sirius shouted. James whirled on him and covered his mouth with his whole hand.

"What the hell are you thinking!" James asked in a rushed whisper. Sirius licked at James' hand and James, disgusted, immediately pulled it off and wiped the spit off with his napkin.

"Getting a piece of Diggory for the potion, smart one!" Sirius rolled his eyes at James' lack of trust at the moment. Sometimes Potter could be so dumb.

"Hey Black," Amos said in a suave voice as he approached the Gryffindor table.

Lily's eyes followed him all the way and she never snapped out of her reverie until Molly squealed when the pumpkin juice Lily was pouring spilled over the edge of her goblet. Amos looked up to see what the commotion was about and Lily turned away, grabbed her napkin and hid her face with it.

"Stupid, stupid!" Lily muttered into the napkin while her cheeks burned with embarrassment.

Amos looked back at the Marauders who were examining his actions quite closely. It freaked him out for a little while since they didn't usually talk to him. He suddenly felt awkward standing in front of them and so he cleared his throat.

"You called me over?" he asked in his velvety voice.

"Yeah. Well you see, mate to mate, you're getting kind of scrubby," Sirius commented nonchalantly.

"I beg your pardon?" Amos asked. No one had ever called him scrubby in his life.

"Here's the deal Amos," Remus piped up, "We noticed that you aren't having that much luck with the ladies for the past couple of months. Maybe it's because of James and Sirius, and maybe it's because of your scrubbiness. So since you're such a nice guy and you treat the ladies well and we want to keep the ladies happy, we're going to give you a little Marauder Magic."

"I beg your pardon?" Amos asked again. This was the strangest conversation he had had in a while.

James, on the other hand, was so irritated with Amos' "I beg your pardon's" that he wanted to shove a sock in his mouth. Then he'd see who pardon he'd be begging! Remus felt James' tension and slapped his back.

"Marauder Magic, Diggory. It's a…it's uh…," Sirius thought of what the hell Remus could possibly mean.

"A haircut. And Sirius is going to give it to you," Remus said very seriously. James almost choked when he heard that. Putting any kind of sharp object near Sirius was an accident waiting to happen. Even Amos was skeptical.

"Don't worry, Sirius cuts James' hair and he gets all the girls," Remus insisted.

"Uh-huh?" Diggory raised his eyebrow in suspicion.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" Sirius got up and pushed Diggory out the door. Lily stood up in a confused daze wanting to follow Amos to say hello, but once she saw James walking towards her, she sat down and turned away.

"Lils," James approached her and the Gryffindor girls started whispering.

"Potter, I swear…" Lily warned.

"Look, I just wanted to apologize for the misunderstanding yesterday. I didn't want to snog you in the broom closet, Lils," James said seriously so only she could hear him.

"Yeah, you would say anything to get out of being embarrassed from getting your ass kicked yesterday!" Lily bit out and stood up so quickly she startled the girls around her.

"Okay-," James breathed deeply trying to maintain control of his temper, "First of all, you did not kick my ass, you kneed my balls! And secondly, I'm telling you the truth and you're too damned stubborn to accept that I didn't want to kiss you senseless!" James knew that was a horrible way to put it because it made Lily sound like a panting whore.

"Bastard! You're an awful git!" Lily screamed as she raised her knee, but James backed up smoothly avoiding excruciating pain.

Lily glared and plunked herself down in her seat to face the girls who stared at her in disbelief. Lily was never known to attack anyone, but to even try to hurt the James Potter was unheard of! So instantly, though they knew he was completely fine, the girls fluttered to his side cooing comforting words. Frustrated from Lily's outburst he brushed them all off and stalked out the hall.

From a distance, Dumbledore watched the whole seen with a keen eye. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to make Lily and James Head Girl and Boy, but it had to be done. They were the best students in their class and they both had great leadership skills, James especially. The problem wasn't that James and Lily would keep the school in order, but the fact that they would have to live together for the next nine months was unconceivable. Yet, Dumbledore had faith. Somehow, he knew they would get along perfectly well.


	3. Cutting it Close

Chapter 3: Cutting it Close

James walked up the stairs into the Gryffindor common room hoping Sirius was almost done with the haircut; praying Diggory's scalp wasn't bleeding all over the carpet.

"WHAT KIND OF HAIRCUT WAS THAT!" Amos shouted loud enough that James heard it through the Fat Lady portrait.

"Oh my," said the courtesan portrait on the Heads' Quarters wall.

"Kinkily Pops," James said miserably, dreading what he would see. The door swung open.

"YOU DRAGGED ME FROM DINNER TO CUT 7 STRANDS OF MY HAIR?" Amos exclaimed at the end of his temper, and was on the floor for some reason.

"Oh hush child, stop crying!" Sirius scolded.

"You people are crazy!" Amos looked from Sirius to Peter to Remus and then James as he strolled in with his hands shoved down his pockets.

"So, how did it go Diggory?" James smiled humorously.

"Well, Potter, Black seems to think that a haircut means cutting 7 strands and then shoving me off the chair!" Amos said.

"Hey, now Diggory, I though Hufflepuff's were suppose to be kind and reasonable?" James said and he walked over to the boys.

"Whatever, this is ridiculous," Diggory got up and walked towards the door.

"Not so fast, Diggory," Sirius pulled out his wand and Amos turned around.

"What's going on!" Amos drew his wand instinctively.

"I'm so sorry Amos, but it has to be done," Remus said taking out his wand.

"What has to be done? Hey, put that away!" Diggory commanded shakily.

"Diggory, if you don't struggle it will be easier for all of us," James said softly.

"Potter! What are you going to do to me! Stop it! Get away! Let me out!" Diggory shouted.

The Marauders created a circle around Amos who was turning around and around like a trapped mouse. James felt ashamed to be doing this for the motives he had, but he wanted to know Lily more and not just like her because she was pretty and feisty.

"Slumbera Totalus," they all announced at once, sounding regretful rather than triumphant, and the three beams hit Diggory, and he fell to the ground where Remus had strategically placed a mound of pillows.

"How long will that put him out for?" James asked and he tucked the Invisibility Cloak over the lightly snoring Diggory.

"It stays on until we_ all_ take it off. We _all_ have to be present in order for the charm to counter," Remus emphasized.

"Where're the hairs?" James turned to Sirius who handed him a tiny bottle of blond strands and James shuddered.

"What're we going to do with the body?" Remus asked as Sirius picked up Diggory into his arms.

"Put it in Prong's bed. He won't be using it anyway for the week because he'll be Diggory, and Diggory is not Head Boy!" Sirius said bluntly.

" No, but he should be," a female voice stated flatly, "What is going on here!" Lily demanded from the door. The boys gasped.

Lily looked around the room. At Remus' feet, there was a pile of pillows, Sirius' arms were hooked and James' swept his hand through his hair in what seemed to be nervousness.

"What's the last thing you heard?" Remus asked while struggling against his nerves.

" 'Diggory is not Head Boy.' Why?" she mimicked Sirius. The boys sighed in relief.

"Aren't you on duty or something, Evans? Go find students who're up to no good," Sirius shooed her away.

"I _am_ on duty and I _have_ found students who are up to no good, thank you Mr. Black! I can do my job perfectly well!" Lily snapped and then eyed him suspiciously, "What _are _you doing?"

"I'm teaching James how to catch you when you fall, Evans. Now go away or you'll ruin everything. Girls aren't suppose to know what boys do for them!" Sirius still had Diggory in his arms under the Invisibility Cloak.

Lily planted her hands on her hips. Sirius Black and James Potter were naturals at everything relating to girls and it seemed rather doubtful that James needed tutoring from Sirius. Lily was sure that they were all up to something, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She also hated the way she was being shooed out of the room. This was the Heads' Quarters anyway and if anyone should be leaving, it should be Sirius and Remus. However, Lily did have a soft spot for Remus. He was the most responsible out of all the Marauders and he was the kindest. James and Sirius were always pranking people and it was one of the things that set her off. She hated it when they picked on hopeless cases like Snivellus Snape. It was of them cruel to make other people feel horrible so they could feel superior.

"Lily, please. This is really important," Remus pleaded.

Lily rolled her eyes and waved her hand at the boys. If they were up to mischief, they would pay for it later. She decided to pay a visit to the Headmaster and see if she could sneak some extra courses into her schedule.

Back in the room, Sirius dropped Amos on the floor with a loud _thud_ and he wiped the sweat off his brow. James collapsed on the couch and exhaled all the air he had kept in him from the time Lily opened her mouth.

"That was close," James breathed.

"She knows we're up to something, so we'd better be careful how we go about this," Remus said as he walked over to the desk to pull out a sheet of parchment and a quill, "I'm going to write James' note that will get him sent home to his parents for a week."

"Make it two," James said more to himself than to Remus as he thought about Lily and her hard head.

"Two? Two weeks? Sirius, cut off seven more strands of Diggory's hair, will you?" Remus started writing as Sirius pulled of the Invisibility Cloak and snipped off more strands than he should have.

"What are you doing?" James asked while he looked over the side of the couch to where Sirius was.

"Personally, Prongs, I think you're going to need more than two weeks," Sirius said as he stuffed the strands into the little bottle and handed them to James.

James took the bottle with a smile. Sirius always knew James the best. While tucking the bottle into his shirt pocket, Remus had finished the letter and they needed to send it to Dumbledore. He folded it and the boys all walked up to the Mail Room where James tied the note to his owl, Neptune, and opened the window. The owl did not have to travel that far since Dumbledore's office was at the other end of the school.

"I hope this works," James breathed.

Dumbledore was sitting in his office carefully listening to the reasons that Ms. Evans wanted extra courses.

"…then, I could possibly become and Auror-"

_Tap, tap, tap._

Dumbledore and Lily looked at the window behind the Headmaster's big chair and saw a Post owl waiting outside.

"Shall I get it?" Lily offered.

"Please," the Headmaster said.

Lily crossed the tiles and opened the window to untie the letter from the owl. It nudged her cheek with its beak lovingly and Lily stroked its feathers. She looked down at the address and discovered that it was from the Potters. Lily prayed that they wanted their son back for the year.

"Ms. Evans?" Dumbledore called from the desk.

"Oh, yes. Sorry, it's just that this owl is so amiable I can't quite understand why it is the Potters' Post owl," Lily said without thinking.

"Ms. Evans, the Potters are a wonderful family. They are amiable as well as their Post owl and I'd like you to remember that if you ever meet them," Dumbledore said gravely.

"I'm sorry, sir, it's just that James-" Lily started.

"Ms. Evans," Dumbledore said in a warning voice, "What exactly do you have against the boy that make you hate him so?"

"I don't hate him, Headmaster," Lily said as she brought the letter over to his desk.

Dumbledore unfolded the parchment and looked down at the paper, eyes slightly widening in disbelief and astonishment.

_Dear Albus,_

_           This letter is of great urgency. James' parents have been in a car accident while visiting the Muggle World. They request his presence immediately.. If you would please send James home for two weeks along with his schoolwork, it would be much appreciated. Please do not inconvenience yourself by bringing him personally. He is capable of using the Floo Powder system. I will be expecting him tomorrow._

_                                                                 -Adelaide Potter_

Dumbledore knew James' grandmother personally since they use to go to school together and he sensed that James' was much needed at home, and Dumbledore's instincts were never wrong.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Lily asked in a concerned manner, "What's the matter? What happened? What does it say?"

"Ms. Evans, if you would please tell Mr. Potter that he is to start packing immediately and will be leaving for home by Floo tomorrow morning, I would gladly appreciate it," Dumbledore said slowly, trying to recover from the surprise. The Potters may be on the verge of death and they were the only ones who were alive to defeat Voldemort. He swallowed deeply. Hopefully, Colin and Marian would be all right.

"Professor, what's the matter? Why does James have to leave? It's only the beginning of the school year!" Lily persisted.

"Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter's mother and father have experienced a car accident in the Muggle World," Dumbledore said softly.

Lily gasped sharply. A car accident was enough to kill someone if hit hard enough. If the Potters died, she was sure that James would never be the same—not that she liked him as he was, but he would be depressed on an everyday bases. She never wanted anyone to experience the pain and torment of losing their parents due to an accident. She knew the pain too well, it was still raw even after three months. With unknown sympathy, she went up the stairs into the Heads' Quarters and opened the door slowly. Remus and Sirius were no longer in the room and James lay on the couch, asleep. It had gotten dark outside and the moonlight streamed through the tall glass window between the Head Boy and Girl's rooms. The fireplace had been lit and forgotten, so the embers glowed like fireflies trapped between rocks.

"James?" Lily whispered as she approached his sleeping figure.

His chest rose and fell rhythmically and Lily kneeled next to the couch. For a while, she just watched him. Looking upon his face bathed in moonlight, she felt content. In sleep, he was angelic and was without a care in the world. She preferred him this way as opposed to his childish, arrogant and stubborn self when he was awake. Unconsciously, yet with tender care, she brought up her fingertips to brush away the bangs from his eyes that had fallen from his messy black hair. She smiled and wondered why he liked to mess it up all the time by running his hands through it constantly. It would never tame, neither would his spirit.

Her touch woke him slightly. He shifted positions and she stood up abruptly. When he felt someone move directly in front of him, his first instinct was to go for his wand. He grasped it, opened his eyes, and almost fainted after what he saw. Lily Evan was standing over him, with a smile on her face. It was a sad smile, but essentially, it was a smile. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming and sat up.

"Lily?" he whispered as if she would vanish if he spoke any louder.

" G'mornin', sleepyhead, can I sit?" Lily pointed to the vacant spot next to James and he shifted over to give her more room.

"What are you doing?" James asked, obviously awestruck she wasn't bantering with him or physically abusing him, or giving him dirty looks or…

"You need to pack tonight," Lily started slow and softly, "It's your parents."

"What about them?" James started panicking.

He was more than a son to his parents. They were like his best friends and nothing could ever get between them. They had basically adopted Sirius the summer that his parents had thrown him out when Sirius accused his father of raping his little sister. Marian and Colin treated Sirius as their own son and James loved them even more for that. They had taught James to fly as well as any professional Quidditch player, James' father had taught him how to fist fight in case magic failed, James' mother taught him manners (though he forgot them sometimes), and over all he turned out a real good kid because of them. He owed them his life, and if they were in danger, it was his duty to save them.

"They visited the Muggle World," Lily began.

"Damn it! I told them never to go there!" James ran his hands through his hair completely unaware what had actually happened to them.

"What do you mean you told them not to go there?" Lily asked. She was a muggle and didn't understand what was so bad about her world besides people getting hit by cars.

"They're Aurors, Lily," James sighed, "They were probably looking for traces of Voldemort in the Muggle World. It's their job."

"That's dangerous! I mean, my parents-" Lily exclaimed beside herself, she didn't even know who the Potters were. She didn't want to reveal her parents' death to James since she never really saw him as a friend. Anyway, he didn't seem to hear her unfinished sentenced and continued.

"Yeah, they're the best in the Ministry. That's what you get for being the best: a pat on the back and your life dangling at the end of a string," James muttered bitterly.

"Oh, James. Don't look at it that way. Your parents are heroes! They're risking their lives to save the Magical World," Lily tried to say comfortingly.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," James ran his hands through his hair once more.

"James you need to go. Dumbledore's sending you out tomorrow by Floo. I'll take care of sending your homework to you," Lily whispered kindly.

James was on the verge of tearing up until he heard Lily say that Dumbledore was sending James home. Of course! It was all part of the plan! James didn't realize that Remus would be sending a letter endangering his family, he thought Remus was sending an excuse like "Marian has a horrible cold and needs James home since the family is away" or something. Though, Remus hadn't actually told him what the letter had said. His parents raised his half in a Muggle atmosphere and half in a magic one, so it wouldn't be awkward if James needed to get groceries for his mum and such.

"Could you excuse me Lily? I need a moment," James said softly. Lily thought that James was going to cry and understood that boys don't like to cry in front of girls, so she nodded, rubbed his back comfortingly and went to her room. He cherished her kindness, even if it was misplaced sympathy.

James made his way towards the Gryffindor Dormitories in his Head Boy cloak to make it look like he was patrolling the hallway, but he wanted to see Remus to congratulate him on the convincing note and tell the boys that he was going to change into Diggory tonight.

"Pastel pasta," James said to the sleeping Fat Lady.

She snored on.

"Oi! Pastel pasta!!" James said more loudly.

The Fat Lady grunted in her sleep and opened the portrait without opening her eyes.

James ran into the Boys' Dormitory and shook Remus and Sirius who both groaned in annoyance since they had just fallen asleep.

"That letter was bloody brilliant!" James exclaimed happily, "I didn't know that you'd put my parents in a car accident!"

Remus, as if drunk, looked up at James through the haze of sleepiness, grunted and scratched his head. He vaguely remembered that he sent the letter about James' mother having the flu and James needing to be home until she was fully recovered. But sleep was so close, and Remus started to sway slightly. He closed his heavy eyelids and dropped back onto his pillow with a _thump _without saying a word to James.

James laughed at Remus' exhaustion and found that Sirius was dead asleep, too. He figured that now would be the perfect time to take the Potion since Sirius had already put Diggory in James' bed and James was already in the Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory. All he would have to do is write a letter saying he left early because he felt it was urgent and stick it in the Heads' Quarters Common Room where Lily would find it, then he would drink the potion and fall asleep on Diggory's bed. James breathed heavily. This was it.


	4. Floods of Emotion

Chapter 4: Floods of Emotion

The next morning, James woke up and found himself looking up at Sirius and Remus. They were examining his face closely, muttering, and shaking their heads in disbelief.

"That you, Prongs?" Sirius poked him several times. He couldn't believe that the Polyjuice Potions he had stolen from the Potions room had actually worked.

"Stop poking me!" cranky in the morning, James swatted Sirius' hand and sat up.

"He's alive!" Sirius cried out jokingly.

James sat up, stretched and looked around the room to see if anyone else was still around. He was absolutely exhausted from all that happened yesterday and still tasted the ripeness of the Polyjuice Potion in his mouth; though he brushed his teeth five separate times.

"So? You want to see the new you?" Remus offered with a mirror in his hands. He remember James coming to him in the night and saying something about the letter he had written, but it was all part of his dream and Remus didn't want to bring it up since the boys might think he was mental.

"Give it here," James took the mirror and held it up to his face.

Diggory's face, actually. He had the blond hair and the blue eyes and when he spoke, he realized it wasn't his voice. He wrapped his hands around his throat  and felt the Adam's apple. Remus and Sirius got off the bed and waiting outside the door until James finished changing. James scooped up the books off Diggory's nightstand and flipped through them. He smiled. This was going to be easy! He had never noticed before but Diggory had the same classes as him and Lily! He was even taking the same extra courses as him and Lily! James sifted through the notebooks and found a black leather journal labeled "Midnight Thoughts, from the brilliant mind of Amos Diggory". James laughed aloud and flipped through the pages. He found one the mentioned Lily's name and his and paused to read it.

_She's so easy to find in the crowd with her red hair. I mean sure she's pretty, but the way she keeps looking at me scares me a little. I see all these girls looking at Potter the same way she looks at me and wonder why she isn't looking at Potter, too. I use to like her, until she started being extra shy around me and intimidating around other people. The other day I heard she kicked Potter's family jewels. What a deranged girl. That's what turns me off about girls, when they're nosy, nagging and nauseating. _

Diggory nailed all the "n" words that could possibly describe the worst girl. But James' stomach clenched to know that Diggory thought that Lily was all these things and he would have to remember that when he talked to her. He was also able to pick up some tips of how to approach Lily as Diggory. So, with a million thoughts racing through his mind, he scooped up his Hufflepuff cloak and dashed out of the dormitory to meet with Remus and Sirius.

"You know you can't keep hanging around with us," Remus said in a low voice.

"Why not?" James asked, almost hurt that they were pushing him away.

"Prongs, you're Diggory. We don't usually talk to Diggory. It would be really weird if all of a sudden 'James' goes home and then 'Amos' starts hanging around us until James comes back," Sirius commented like it was the most obvious thing, but then he got quiet and his mood changed and he leaned in and whispered into James' ear, "So, when you were changing, did you see how long his snake was?"

"SIRIUS! For the love of Merlin!" James pulled back, affronted.

"What!" Sirius shrugged.

"Are you gay?" James stared wide-eyed.

"NO! Not like there's anything wrong with being gay, but I'm not! I'm just wondering what the competition is," Sirius said simply.

"I can't believe you're asking questions like that! You're making me uncomfortable!" James quivered in disgust.

"What—" Sirius began, but James interrupted more loudly.

"Let's just say—that I'm not going to screwing around at all these next two weeks.

"Oh-HOO!!" Sirius hooted down the hall and a few girls glanced their way.

James turned around and spotted Lily coming down the hall. Diggory was right; you could spot that flaming red hair anywhere! Checking Diggory's pocket watch, it was about time for Transfiguration. James waited behind a column for Lily to pass and when she did, he came up behind her and followed her for a good three seconds before he said,

"Goooooood Morning!"

She screamed and dropped her books.

"Oh Merlin," she sighed warily as she bent down to pick up the books. She had been thinking of Amos this morning and was completely out of sorts.

Usually James would be laughing mirthlessly at her for being so clumsy, but he remembered that Diggory would have probably helped, so he leant down and handed her a book.

She muttered a thanks as she grabbed the book, but he held it firm as she tried to take it from him, forcing her to look at him. She tipped her head up.

And nearly fainted.

Amos Diggory.

"Th—tha—tha—thanks," she stuttered stupidly wishing that she could just disappear.

"No problem," James said casually while sticking out his hand to help her up.

_This is as much physical contact as you'll get with me, Potter!_ Her voice replayed in his head the day she ripped up his note, but he smiled knowing that he was going to prove her wrong everyday for the next two weeks.

"I—we—better get in. Side," she shook her head, no that wasn't the word, "Inside. Thanks…again…," Lily almost wanted to skitter off into a corner and hide until she stopped blushing so her cheeks weren't as red as her hair. Why couldn't she talk around him!

James pulled her up and swept his hand through his hair to mess it up, like he usually did while trying to impress a girl, and walked with her the rest of the way to the classroom. She never once looked back up at him when they were walking. James sighed. Again, Diggory was right; she was so shy around the people that she liked.

"Ms. Evans!" Professor McGonagall cried out worriedly when she saw Lily enter with Amos.

"Professor?" Lily cocked her head to the side in confusion.

"Please. Follow me. Quickly now," McGonagall took her arm and lead her out of the classroom leaving James to find Diggory's seat. He had no idea where it was.

"Oh, Diggory!" Sirius called out from the desk behind Lily's. James smiled and wondered if Sirius still had the bruise from Lily's kick the other day.

"Hey, Black," James said in the velvety voice Diggory provided for him.

"I believe Lorraine wants to speak with you," Sirius whispered. James took the hint seated himself behind Lorraine. She turned, smiled, said hello and turned back again.

James was offended.

Never once had a girl refuse to glow with pleasure and melt when she looked at him. Never once had a girl refused to stare shamelessly at him with glassy eyes. Well, without counting Lily of course.

In the hallway, Lily was carefully listening to the worried Professor McGonagall as she talked speedily with her hands in motion, which was quite unlike her. Lily was choking back the fear the James hadn't used the Floo system correctly since it appeared that Adelaide had not seen him arrive at the time he said he would.

"Do you know where Mr. Potter is, Ms. Evans?" McGonagall asked nervously, twisting her fingers together.

"There's something you aren't telling me, Professor," Lily pointed out. Professor McGonagall was never this nervous over a student getting lost by the Floo System; it happened quite often.

"Ms. Evans," McGonagall's voice dropped severely into a whisper that Lily had to read her lips as she spoke, "The headmaster has received two post owls this morning. One came from an owl whose wing was badly injured saying that Marian, James' mother, was sick and needed him home. Then immediately following, Adelaide's letter came saying she has not seen James. She looked at the train station, in the chimney, in the Alley and she has not found him! Ms. Evans, the impact of the accident is so complicated, magic alone is not enough to heal it."

Lily stared at the ground, unable to tell which emotions she felt strongest. Primarily, she was afraid that James would never make it to his parents. She wondered where he could be if he had left so early in the morning. She started to relive her pain from three months ago, when she hadn't been there when her parents died in the hospital beds, one after the other. She felt the fear that when James came back, he would never smile again, would never laugh, and would never care for anything anymore. And finally, she wondered why she cared so much about James anyway. All he had done for her was humiliate her until she would go out with him.

"He left a note for me this morning," Lily finally said, knowing her response was neutral and wouldn't show the lest bit of emotion to McGonagall.

"Really? Does it give a hint as to where he may be? Ms. Evans, Marian is ill as well as suffering from injuries that could…" McGonagall choked on her last sentence and her hand flew over her trembling mouth as her eyes started to fill with tears.

"Oh, Professor!" Lily came to her side and rubbed her back gently as she did James' last night.

"I was Head Girl when she came into our school, and oh-Lily! You should have seen the look on her face when she stepped in! She was absolutely awestruck! We had been close and I watched Marian and Colin fall in love. And then she sent James here, trusting he would be safe despite the fact that both of them are Aurors. We've kept in touch all these years, and to know she's suffering and I can't do a thing to heal it, tears me apart! Simply tears me apart!" McGonagall drew both hands over her face and sobbed shamelessly, letting the walls of authority crumble.

For the first time in her life, Lily understood the impact the Potters had on the Magical World. Unexpected people loved and adored them and blessed them for their protection against Voldemort. She glanced in the classroom and saw James' empty seat surrounded by 29 other fidgeting students who were either anxious to get class started, were listening carefully to the conversation, or who were sleeping.

Of course Sirius was sleeping; he was in the front of the classroom and couldn't hear a damned thing. But James was sitting back in his chair with his eyes closed listening very carefully to the words that Lily and Professor McGonagall had exchanged.

So Remus had sent two letters then? He smiled. Remus was having a lot of fun with this. Even McGonagall was crying over the letters, which weren't even true! He respected McGonagall all the more for caring about his mother that much.

It took a few more moments, but eventually McGonagall had recovered and started the lesson with puffed, red eyes. Throughout the day, James did his best to make sure Lily knew he was always looking at her. And she did. The proof lied in her blush-stained cheeks. In every lesson, it was now Diggory participating as much as Lily, answering in that matter-of-fact voice that James so loved to taunt her with, and giving her sweet smiles every time she turned around to look at him.

Lily didn't know what to make of it. Amos had never spoken so much in class before; he wouldn't have the chance with her and James answering all the questions. McGonagall was even trained to say "Ms. Evans" or "Mr. Potter" after her questions without turning around! But what really stopped her in her tracks was when he actually came up to her after classes and offered to walk her to their next one. She was speechless, so she merely nodded. Every time.

It was nearing the end of the day and James finally decided that he should take her aside and talk to her face to face. The sooner he initiated a conversation, the sooner they could get comfortable talking to one another, then the sooner he could talk about himself and change her view about the real James.

He was bloody nervous.

So with wobbling legs and a rapidly beating heart, he "casually" strolled up to her and stood there.

Just stood.

She looked up at him totally confused why he was just standing there and looking at her.

"Do you need something?" she asked.

James resisted saying "you" and capturing her in a solid embrace while trailing kisses down her neck.

"Hello?" she spoke again. He snapped out of his fantasy.

"Yeah, I do need something," he said simply, buying time to actually think of something he needed.

"Uh-huh. And? What do you need?" Lily was already late for her study session at the library-- by herself. No matter how much she liked Amos, nothing could stand between her and her books.

"I need lessons," James mentally applauded himself for conjuring a great idea. This way, he could see her more often than usual.

"Like a tutor?" Lily's eyes widened. She would tutor Amos Diggory! She would be spending a lot of time with him in that case, and she held back from jumping up and down with excitement.

"Yeah, like a tutor. Divinations. It kills. I don't understand a damned thing," James said truthfully. He figured if he couldn't understand it, neither would Diggory.

Lily didn't know anything about Divinations either! Actually, she thought it was the most absurd class available at Hogwarts. All that teacup reading was a bunch of bullocks and the teacher was morbidly insane. But for Diggory, she'd just have to pretend she would know what she was doing. He was starting to talk to her and she didn't want to ruin her chances of ever speaking to him again.

"Where do you want to take your lessons?"

"Well, you spend a lot of time in the library, so what's convenient for you is convenient for me, I guess."

"What time?"

"Whenever. Just come up to me—I'll be available," James smiled at the double meaning.

"Oh, sure," Lily said almost sarcastically. "Just come up to me," sounded so easy but he would never know that she wanted to faint every time she even looked at him! She composed herself, smiled, and half-ran to her sanctuary: the library.

Later in the evening, she sat on her bed contemplating the possible reasons Diggory was finally talking to her. The most obvious one being that he wanted lessons. Lily smiled. He would get so much more than that after a few lessons! Her thoughts raced on and on and then stopped on James Potter. Where was he? Dumbledore and McGonagall had been at the peak of their nerves on the issue that James hadn't been received at home when his parents were hurt badly. Truthfully, though she begrudged him, she couldn't help worrying about him either. After all, she had tried to comfort him the night before he left, so she couldn't possibly hate him all that much. He was about to embrace the emotional pain that she had been dealing with by herself for the past three months and she understood how hard it was being alone to face it. She fell asleep that night wondering where he was.

James looked at the bubbling Polyjuice Potion in his mug and grimaced. Dropping Amos' hair into it, he closed his eyes, pinched his nose and drowned it faster than Firewhiskey. Immediately, he grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and tried with all his might to get that disgusting taste out of his mouth while feeling his face bubble as he transformed once more into Diggory. While scrubbing, he thought of Lily and looked himself in the eye through the mirror.

"I hope she's worth all this trouble, or I'm going to die from potion poisoning," he muttered.

As he lay in bed, his thoughts raced, landed on Lily, and fell asleep smiling gently with the covers tucked under his chin in sheer confidence that his plan would work.


	5. One Step At a Time

Chapter 5: One Step at a Time (CHAPTER DEDICATED TO MICHASIA SEKIYA, HOPE YOU HAVE A SPEEDY RECOVERY MUJER!!)

Marian was glued to the bed and stabbed with more needles than she could count which all connected to bags of liquid. An IV, they called it in the Muggle World. She tried turning her head, as painful as it was, to see her husband. Colin was in bed as well, with plenty more needles than her. She wanted to move, she wanted to get out of the bed and rush to his side, but it was more than painful. It was excruciating. She was tired from the drugs the muggles had put in her system and realized she wasn't even breathing for herself. Another machine (as she found she was starting to hate machines) was making a whistling sound as it forced her to exhale and then forced her to inhale. The tube in her mouth was the most uncomfortable. She couldn't talk, couldn't call out to Colin and couldn't ask for help. They even put tape all over her face, which Marian thought was ridiculous. Colin still sleeping from the sedatives but she still wanted to communicate with him. She wanted James mostly. She wanted to see her son. Marian remember having asked for him before they took her away in a big truck that had lights that wailed. Muggles were so complicated. Why couldn't they just use Floo? The would have gotten to the hospital a lot sooner. James was suppose to travel by Floo. Where was James? She could hear her mother wailing in the corner of the room, though she couldn't see her and attempted to move.

Adelaide saw Marian struggle and immediately went over to the hospital bed.

"Oh, sweetheart!" Adelaide cried grasping her daughter's hand, "Don't try speaking. Don't even move. You'll hurt yourself. Here, take this." Adelaide placed a quill in her hand and told her to write.

With scribbles she wrote **_James? _**Adelaide sighed.

"I called for him, Marian, but he hasn't come yet. I'll send another note to Dumbledore tonight. I'm sure he'll show up. He knows you're hurt," Adelaide spoke slowly so Marian could understand everything, but in Marian's head all she wanted to do was scream in frustration. She wanted to move, she wanted to hold her son and her husband. She needed James.

Lily had trouble sleeping that night as nightmares continuously woke her up every hour. They ranged from her parents' death, to a fight with Voldemort, to world destruction and finally the worst: dating James Potter. She laughed. That was logical—world destruction would always come before her and James Potter ever dating. With a sigh, she rolled off the bed and started for the shower.

In the meantime, James had a wonderful sleep as he dreamed of Lily shamelessly. When Sirius and Remus came to wake him up, they took one look at his sheets and burst out into laughter. Sirius laughed so hard he was crying and Remus clutched at his aching stomach. James opened his eyes, looked at his sheets, turned red from embarrassment and shouted at them to get out.

"Merlin! Reality bites! If only life were a dream, I'd be the happiest chap in England!" he muttered groggily to himself as he went to throw his sheets in the laundry bin and wash himself with _very cold_ water.

Lily came out from the shower and made her way to the Heads' Common Room half expecting to see another note from James or James himself. She saw neither and was surprisingly disappointed, though she had no reason to be. It felt lonely to be living alone and she had to admit she missed the sound of James and her yelling at each other in the room.

"I think too much about that stupid git," she said aloud as she sat on the couch.

Memories of the last time she saw him coursed through her. She remembered his faced alighted by moonlight, the soft glow of the fireplace bathing his strong body, the careless strands of hair that fell across his face and the sweetness of it all when she brushed them away.

"Stop!" she cried out realizing she had a little smile on her face, "You are not crushing on Potter. That is ridiculous. Lily Evans, you are not ridiculous!" And with that, she ran out of the Heads' Quarters.

Only to bump head first into Amos Diggory.

James beamed. Merlin must really love him if he sent Lily this early in the morning.

"Good mornin'," he said cheerily.

"I'm fine! And you?" she replied stupidly. She realized she replied to the wrong question and corrected herself quickly, "Good morning, Diggory."

"Oh, please, do call me Amos," James threw in a wink.

"Sure," Lily hadn't moved from the spot where they had bumped into each other and James put his hand on her back shoulder and gently pushed her forward in the direction of the breakfast hall.

"Come on, eat breakfast with me," he urged and she obliged willingly.

Lily noticed that none of the girls had looked up to see Amos walk through the door with her as opposed to when she and James came into the dining hall together. None were tittering, none were whispering, none were smiling and none were fainting. She was fairly disappointed.

James noticed this as well and rolled his eyes. Being Amos Diggory sucked.

"Here we are," he said as he pulled up a seat next to Sirius and Remus who were eyeing him suspiciously.

"What's he playing at?" Sirius asked in a whisper to Remus who just shrugged.

"So how was your summer?" James started asking, ignoring the fact that both Sirius and Remus were staring at him completely confused by why he wanted to sit with them.

"Well," Lily started to say, but then she saw Sirius and Remus and turned her attention to them, "What's wrong with you two?"

James turned around to face them and wanted to ask the same question.

"Nothing, Evans," Sirius snapped. Remus took the gentler approach.

"Have you heard from James yet? McGonagall was freaking out yesterday!"

"I know, and no," Lily replied softly, almost sadly, "Well anyway, if James does send word of where he is, it's not going to be to me. He would send it to you."

James smiled liking the fact that he would be able to find out what Lily truly thought about him without giving himself away. He also smiled at the fact that she knew him well enough to know that he would send his letters to Sirius and Remus first.

"So anyway, back to my question," James reminded Lily. She turned back to him quite aware of how close he was. She didn't know whether to be intrigued or afraid.

"What was it again?"

"Your summer. How was your summer," James brought food up to his mouth to force himself not to stare too intensely at her.

Lily froze. Her summer. Her summer consisted of sleeping in the hospital room on a cot for three months only to wait for her parents to recover. Her summer consisted of crying, and displaced anger and counseling. She looked up at him with terrified eyes torn between telling him and not. She didn't even know him that well. Her parents' death was something personal that she would only share with a person she felt very close to. It was too sensitive of a subject and no one at school had found out yet. She didn't want sympathy. She didn't want "aww's" and "you poor thing's". She didn't want the attention because of her loss. The constant reminder of their death would be overbearing. So, she lied to him.

"It was perfect," she said numbly.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing," she replied blandly.

"Ah, well that's not too exciting? I was thinking you might be a more exciting girl outside of school. You know, doing muggle stuff. The skiing and the tennis or whatever they do," James named off the only two sports that his family had actually done.

"Oh, well, we've done that but not this summer."

And so the small talk conversation continued until the end of breakfast. Lily found herself getting more comfortable around Amos. He was essentially a great guy. He had a sense of humor and was very gentlemanly. He had even walked her to their classes again. She thought about letting him hold her books for her, but clichéd couples did that; and Amos and she were not a couple. As the day went on, she started to laugh along with him jokes instead of smiling stupidly. Her nerves had calmed after awhile as she realized he was very easy to talk to. He was quite the charmer as well. He was also very nice, unlike that snob of James Potter, but she needn't worry about him now since she was enjoying herself. For once in her life, the guy she liked had actually realized she was alive. He might even start to like her if they talked for long enough. It was decided—she would try to get him to like her.

Sirius and Remus were unhappy with James' performance that day. Before dinner, they caught up with him in the Common Room.

"Sit down," Remus demanded. James obeyed, almost frightened. Remus was never one to be strict.

"Is anyone here?" he looked around consciously.

"No," Sirius barked. James flinched.

"What's going on you guys," James asked in a small voice.

"What's going on?" Remus repeated, "What is going on?! James! What the hell are you thinking! You can't turn your charms on Evans! You can't! You aren't suppose to make her fall in love Diggory! You're suppose to convince her to fall in love with you! Or at least like you, if that gets anywhere!"

"Whoa! What's that suppose to mean Remus!" James stared at him as if all this was coming out of nowhere.

"James, you're going to break Lily's heart if you act the way you do around girls you like! Look. After two weeks, you aren't going to Amos Diggory anymore. And if it has gotten to the point where you and Lily were comfortable kissing each other at the end of two weeks, think of what the real Diggory would do if Lily just randomly came up and kissed him!" Sirius said urgently, "If he pushed her away, she'd be torn, James! Torn!"

"Calm down! Since when did you care about Lily's feelings?" James asked.

"I don't, but you should," Sirius paced.

"And another thing," Remus added, "What do you think will happen if—"

"Stop!" James shouted. All of this was coming at him so fast.

Remus and Sirius stared at him in disappointment. James was usually more careful when pranks as big as these were being played. And technically this wasn't even suppose to be a prank. Lily was never suppose to find out that James switched bodies. James dug his hands in his hair. This was so frustrating. When she laughed just so, he couldn't stop himself from acting like he did. It was the first time he had even been able to talk to her normally without getting bitch-slapped or bitched at. James let out a heavy sigh.

"What should I do, then," James looked at them, "I got her to tutor me in Divinations."

"Then that's your guideline," Remus said.

"What?"

"The relationship between you two is strictly teacher-student. There will be no feelings, there will be not touching, or whatever you do to get girls to like you," Remus sat on the couch opposite of James and paused long before saying, "By all means, do not do anything that would give her the impression that you like her."

"It's hard!" James whined.

"James!" Sirius warned.

"Fine, alright. I'll do what I can," James muttered.

Meanwhile, Lily sat in the library going over Divinations books for Amos' lessons tomorrow. Her head had been pounding for the past hour with random vocabulary that no doubt a hippy made up. All she saw were words, words, words. Then the oddest thing happened; a shadow fell upon the table and then—

_BOOM!_

Lucius Malfoy had tossed his stack of books right on top of Lily's Divinations ones with a malicious smile.

"Hey, Evans," he growled sensually. Lily groaned.

"Go away. I'm studying."

"When are you_ not _studying?" he persisted.

"Never."

His hand shot out and grabbed her arm tight, "Don't get short with me, Evans."

"Let me go," she demanded. For God's sake, they were in the middle of the library! He shouldn't even be talking to her if he hated muggles so much.

"You know what I want?" he continued nonetheless.

"Let me take a wild guess—me?" she mocked, "Get off, or I'll start screaming," she threatened. He released her with a sick smile.

"You're a filthy mudblood. A damn fine one, but a mudblood to the vein. But I could deal with it if we were going out," his pale hand reached over the table, but she pulled back and crossed her arms.

"Keep dreaming, Malfoy!" she spat.

"You'll want me sooner of later, Evans. Then there'll be no use denying it," he growled as he picked up his books and left.

Lily let out a sigh of relief. Lucius Malfoy was as bad as James Potter when it came to pranking people and deflowering innocent girls, but at least Potter was a decent kid at heart. Malfoy was cold and abusive. The last girlfriend he had was bruised so badly she had to stay with Madame Pomfrey for a week to heal. Lily shivered. It was also well known that the Malfoy family was follower to He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. He was so much off an ass that Lily would _screw_ James Potter before even thinking about _touching_ Malfoy. Lily shook her head. It would never get to that point where she'd be desperate enough to do that. Besides, she was talking to Amos now. Maybe there was a chance between them. Shaking her head, the decided to turn her attentions back to studying, but when she looked down, her Divinations book was gone.

"That ass!" Lily slammed her hands on the table.

_He took it on purpose. _Lily rolled her eyes and decided she had spent enough time at the library anyway. Pushing her chair back, she made way to the Heads' Quarters.

James sat down in Diggory's bed thinking of how he was going to possibly keep his hands off Lily when she actually liked him now. Well not him exactly, but the person who he was now: Amos Diggory.

"Who am I kidding," he said to himself, "She'll never like the real me." A couple boys in the room looked over at him and stared. James was talking to himself and the other boys thought he was rather weird. James was never one to stop thinking aloud until all his thoughts were done, so he decided it would be better to write it all out. He would start a journal, just like the real Diggory. So James pulled out a fresh notebook, a quill and a bottle of ink and started.

_Sirius says that I just like Lily for her looks, but deep down, I know that isn't true. I mean, she is obviously beautiful, but it's not exactly what attracted me to her. Part of it is the fact she's the only girl who has ever ignored me, and I don't know what I've done to deserve it. I know I have the looks, I know I have the charm, but what is it about me that she hates so much? I've never intentionally hurt her in anyway. I never would. I've never had a decent conversation with her for more than a second. It's even more torture as me being Diggory. I know that I'm deceiving her purposely and the guilt trip is unbelievable. I can't tell her how I feel from my point of view because she'll think it's Diggory talking. But I can't tell her that it's me either because once I turn back, she'll hate me even more. Either way, I've screwed myself over. These next two weeks will be hell. She's fair game and I'm going to be fair game to her. She's not the kind of person who sees what she wants and lets it fly by. Not if it's right in front of her. I'm going to die. It's so easy to lose myself when I'm talking to her. This isn't fair to her, and I'm cheating myself by making "Diggory" do all the talking for me, but I can't stand not knowing why she hates me so much. I want her to know me. The real me. And it isn't helping that I'm in Diggory's body. But I can't change back or Dumbledore will suspect something. I have to stick with the plan and I can't let Lily find out who I am. I can't hurt her like that._

James stared at the last line.

"I can't hurt her," James whispered, "I _won't_ hurt her."


	6. First Lessons, Then Love

Chapter 6: First Lessons, Then Love

The first week passed by so quickly, James was sincerely considering staying in Diggory's body for a third week. But he refused to drink that stupid Polyjuice shit for another seven days. The Divinations lessons were great with Lily. They were hilarious, actually! James knew that she had no idea what she was talking about and yet he nodded as if he understood. Once in a while, she would look at him for no reason and smile. James used all his will power to stop himself from kissing her right on the spot. Remus and Sirius were depending on him not to screw up. _He_ couldn't risk screwing up anymore. But when Lily was leaning in so close that he could smell her hair, and when she took his palm into her hand to show him palm reading, he nearly died with the craving to hold her. He had put himself in this situation. She was so close but so far. When she started to trace her finger along his palm (quite on purpose), he almost whimpered.

"You know what?" he said suddenly, standing up so he wouldn't do anything that he would regret.

"Hm?" Lily looked up at him positively beaming. She hadn't been able to work her flirty charms for a while, and they seemed to be working pretty well on this one.

"I want to teach you to fly," James blurted. He had wanted to teach her to fly a million times before, but the last time he asked (or just mentioned broom closet) he got his ass kicked. Lily wouldn't dare hurt her love interest.

"To..to fly…?" Lily stuttered. If there was one thing she was afraid of more than failing, it was flying. She closed her eyes and swallowed at the thought of being high in the air where the people looked like ants.

"Come with me," he urged as he took her hand and tugged. She stuck to her chair.

Then gripped the table so hard her knuckles turned white. James saw and became highly alert of her fear-stricken face.

"Are you alright?" James asked letting go of her hand and he sat back down, hating himself for being insensitive to her obvious fear.

"I'm scared," she said very quietly.

"I know," he said quietly in return.

She looked at him with a question in her eyes.

"That's why I'm going to teach you. It will be all right. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Now, come on!" he smiled to put her at ease and it seemed to work. At least she got out of her chair.

James led her to the Quidditch field, where he felt at home. Mounting his broomstick, he decided to stretch some dormant muscles he used in Quidditch and did a few loop-de-loops and more just to show off.

When he landed she was positively beaming, but what she said caught him off guard.

"That was wonderful! You fly just as well as James Potter! Just like him in fact! If I didn't know any better I'd say you were him! Imagine that. Haven't you tried out for Quidditch?" she called to him. He froze and ruffled his hair nervously.

"Oh, that kid's got it made for Quidditch. I'm just an admirer," he called back to save himself.

He made it look so easy, but she knew otherwise. When he came over to where she was standing, she hid her blush. She was going to look ridiculous and he knew it. What if she fell on her bottom? That would be so horrible.

"Come on Lil. It won't be that bad, I promise. Just kick off and hover. If you fall, I'll catch you," he swore solemnly.

Lily grinned. Maybe she should just fall on purpose then!

He held the broom steady as she mounted.

"This isn't very comfortable," she muttered.

"Try being a man and having to do it," he smiled.

"A _man_, eh?" she mocked.

He laughed and told her if she kept it up, he would jinx her broom. She shut up.

"Now, kick off."

She did.

"Hover."

"How do you hover!" she screamed down at him as she kept going higher and higher. Then she just screamed out of pure fright. She hated being up here, having no control over what was going to happen. She was suppose to have control, but she didn't understand how to apply it. She tried twisting her broom to the right, and she started to dive down instead.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath while mounting and kicking off with his own broom to chase after her.

"Oh my God!" she cried out throwing her arms around the thin broom, "Please, oh please, don't let me die!"

Then she was still. As in, not moving. She looked around and she was still in the air.

"Hello—behind you," James called out.

Lily turned around and Amos had his hand fastened securely on the back of her broom.

"I want to get down," she whimpered.

"Don't you want to try again?" he insisted. He hadn't been able to catch her or anything. And if Lily _did_ fall, James was sure that Remus would not have let him let Lily _die_, so he would _have_ to catch her.

"Maybe some other time," she said, "Bring me down?"

He lowered her to the ground and helped her get off. She was bent over, almost as if she were going to vomit.

"You okay?" he asked as he came over to rub her back.

"Yeah, just peachy!" She muttered as she tasted the bile in her throat.

They started to walk towards the school, but Professor McGonagall had spotted them and chased after them. Running with one hand attached to her skirts and one hand flailing furiously in the air, she called to Lily.

"Ms. Evans!" she called out. Lily turned around and McGonagall walked faster, "Have you forgotten?"

"I'm sorry Professor? What?" McGonagall had a disappointed look on her face and her fists attached to her hips.

"Ms. Evans, we're going to Hogsmeade. As Head Girl, it is your duty to gather the children, is it not? Potter isn't here, obviously…nor is he anywhere for that matter," James almost laughed, "But is it too difficult to do it on your own?"

"Well…" she looked at Amos wishing she didn't have to go to Hogsmeade alone to baby-sit the students.

"I can help, Professor," James said gallantly.

"Oh. Diggory," McGonagall looked at him with the least bit of interest. She approved, waved them off and walked back into the school.

Lily turned back to him positively beaming.

_What a nice guy_! She thought.

"You didn't have to do that, you know," she said as they started to walk.

"No problem. I wanted to spend more time with you anyway," James stopped.

_Damn it! I shouldn't have said that!_

Lily stopped and looked up at him.

_Oh…so he likes me?_

"Not that I like you or anything," James tried to save himself.

Lily's face fell. _So, he doesn't like me. _

An awkward silence fell upon the both of them until they reached Hogsmeade. To lighten the mood, James took Lily to get candy. She said she hadn't any money, but he insisted to pay for her. She blushed. James pulled out the coins in his pocket and Lily gasped.

"You're as rich as James Potter, too!" she mumbled. James planted one fist on his hip and gave her an exasperated look.

"Now why are you always comparing me to James Potter? Do you like the kid or something?" Lily turned pink.

"No!" she said almost too quickly.

_How could anyone possibly think that. I've only brought James up twice with Amos. Did I just call him…James? Ahh! I meant Potter. Specifically Potter. Focus: Amos is right in front of you. This is what you want. Stop thinking about Potter._

"Lily?" James prodded after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yes?"

"You like him, don't you?"

"Well as a friend, I suppose…besides all the times he's a jackass and the times that he's pranking people or making them feel bad about themselves or…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" James said completely overwhelmed by the negative.

"What?"

"Isn't there anything good about the kid?" James queried, hoping that there would be a many good things about him as much as there were bad things about him.

"Plenty. Do we have to discuss this?" Lily wanted to avoid all thinking about James.

"Plenty, huh?" James wanted to know everything, "We'll talk about it sooner or later. I'd like to know what you think about Potter."

"Later than sooner," Lily mumbled.

They ended up spending the whole day with each other, having a good time and laughing. Of course, Lily was enjoying herself and James was frustrated with a pasted smile on his face. It was so hard to keep himself in check when Lily liked him for the week. And she would like him for the next one after that. If he kept taking the potion, she would like him all the time! But that was selfish. Amos, the real Amos, needed to live his life. James just wished he didn't have to turn into himself and know that Lily hates him when she was here, right beside him, laughing and smiling. When they got back to the school, James didn't want to end his day with Lily just yet. It was pretty dark and James looked up at the sky and in the corner of his eye, he saw the Astronomy Tower. He beamed.

"You know what else I'm having trouble with in school, Lily?" he said as they entered the Great Hall for dinner.

"What?"

"Astronomy."

"But we ended that course two years ago, Amos? What do you mean?" Lily looked at the man who she'd just spent over one week and 8 hours with. Her knight in shining armor. But he kept randomly bringing up subjects and things to talk about that Lily didn't quite understand him.

"It was so interesting though; I never really understood the constantations," he said as they sat down at the same table. Lily cocked her head to the side in confusion and after a few moments, she understood what he meant.

"Constellations?" Lily corrected. Amos nodded.

"You wanna do something really cool?" James' eyes widened in excitement.

"Now? But—McGonagall… and Dumbledore," Lily stuttered.

"Grab some food and I'll go out first and you follow a few minutes behind. Meet me in the foyer," James got up without waiting for Lily to answer. This way, she wouldn't have a choice whether to stay or go.

"But—!" she tried to say as Amos ran off with a whole roasted chicken.

_Like no one will notice that?_ She thought sarcastically, sighed, and knew she had no choice but to meet him in the foyer. Grabbing a few cookies from the dessert tray and two cups of cider, she walked out of the Great Hall.

Remus had spotted all that had just occurred, summarized it for Sirius and all they could do was slump miserably on the bench and shake their heads in disapproval. James was up to no good and at this rate, he would have to stay Amos for a long time. Even with both their serious warnings, James was ignoring the fact that he was Amos and not himself.

"What are we doing?" Lily asked as she walked briskly towards Amos. He had a silly grin on his face and broke into a sprint when she was close enough to follow.

"What—?" she rolled her eyes at how foolish he looked running with a roasted chicken and she running after him with cookies and goblets.

He made it all the way to the Astronomy Tower and then looked back to wait for her to catch up, but surprisingly she wasn't that far behind.

"Up here," he said between breaths.

"The Astronomy Tower," she stated and eyed his suspiciously. Not that she had any experience, but this place was known as a perfect make-out spot. She had heard her roommates brag constantly of the stars above them while…yadayadayada…

"What are we here for?" she asked, hoping she wouldn't be getting the answer she expected.

"A picnic," he said sweetly as he closed the door.

Conjuring a picnic blanket, plates and a few other necessities, he sat down next to the large telescope and lighted a couple candles.

"Lumos," he whispered.

The scene was more than romantic. The candles were dim, the stars were bright, the sky was clear, the moon was out, Amos was sitting peacefully no more than 3 feet away and they were going to have a picnic instead of having dinner. Yet, Lily was confused. Was this a date? And if it was a date, why were they on it? Wasn't Amos just someone she liked a lot, but he didn't like her in that way? At least that's what it seemed like up until like week. He had been paying so much attention to her that she was flattered and surprised.

_Ask him if it's a date._ A little voice in her mind nagged.

_No! _she said back to the little voice.

_Come on…you know you want to!_ It said back.

_This is stupid, I am not going to have a mental conversation when I have a real person to talk to!_ She realized that if she continued further to have a discussion with herself, she would go insane.

"Um—Amos," she began to speak tentatively.

James was more alert than usual. Neither of them had spoken for a while and he was just getting use to the silence.

"Is…This will sound really…but…" she had lost all sense of speech. She couldn't even bring herself to say the word!

"What?" James examined her tortured face.

"Is this a date?" she finally blurted and James looked aghast.

He looked around. They were at the Astronomy Tower, picnic blanket, stars, candles…it was a date. It was an _unintentional_ date.


	7. New Revelations

Chapter 7: New Revelations

_Shit. _He said to himself,_ how're you going to pull yourself out of this Potter? _

James had dreamed of taking her up here for so long, that he had done it as Amos and he was almost waiting to wake up lying in his bed any minute during the silence that passed moments ago. He wanted to break his promise to Remus and Sirius about keeping his identity a secret because now that she was here with him, he wanted to tell her everything. He just wanted to the truth to come out so he wouldn't have to hide anymore. When he looked at her, her eyes seemed to beg for him to tell her that he cared for her in some way. It took him a moment longer to recover from the rush of emotion he got from that one look. He did care for her, more than ever, and he couldn't even tell her. With a deep breath, he decided to reply neutral.

"No, it isn't a date. I wanted to learn about the constantations, remember?"

"Constellations," Lily automatically corrected in the softest voice as her heart broke. She was hoping that she would finally have someone to care for her as much as she had come to care for him this past week.

"So before you take your position as my tutor, I want you to tell me about this thing you have for James Potter," James said before Lily could do anything about it.

She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, then opened it again, but then closed it.

"You like him that much, eh?" he laughed slightly. Was she really speechless? Or did she just have so much to say about him that she didn't know where to start. All of a sudden…

"Well for starters, he's an arrogant pig. He thinks that he knows everything, when he apparently doesn't even know how to be humane. I mean, seriously! He picks on the hopeless and he laughs at their faces while they're tortured! It's completely uncivilized! And then he has the nerve to compete with me in class when he doesn't even spend as much time in the library as I do! And it's completely immoral how sexually active he is! It's like he's a manwhore!" Lily exclaimed in one breath.

"A _what_ whore?" James blinked rapidly. No one had ever called him that before; nonetheless Lily!

"You know. Well anyway, all these girls getting deflowered here and there as if it was nothing! They're all willing! It's terrible, I would never give myself up that easily. Especially to James Potter! His reputation is horrible!"

"Horrible?"

"Well, not horrible exactly. Everyone does love him because of his good looks."

"Good looks?" did she like him for that?

"Yes, well he is nicely built. Oh! Why does that matter, though. He's still a terrible person."

"Terrible! Have you even talked to the boy, Lily?" James was surprised that she was so opinionated about him when she refused to talk to him. Not that they were all good opinions, but at least she was talking about him.

"I haven't spoken to him, well other than bantering and one other time before he left, but I hear things from other girls. Those Marauder boys are trouble, I say." She nodded her head to confirm to herself that all she was saying was true.

"I think you like him," James said bluntly. It was a chance he would take. She did turn pink the last time that he said it. Maybe her emotion might flow somewhere positive this time.

"Why do you keep saying that?" she looked up at Amos with accusing eyes.

"You always bring him up in all the conversations we have, even though most of the time it's negative. Still, you bring him up. And you compare him with me…a lot," he pointed out, finding that he was actually telling the truth.

"It's not my fault you remind me of him," she said under her breath. He heard.

"So what things do I do that remind you of him?"

"Plenty," she answered.

"Come on, I know you can to better than that." He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated that she wasn't answering him.

"Well it's not exactly _everything_ you do. It's just the _little_ things that you do, that lead to other things that lead to me thinking about Potter."

"Keep going…" he prodded.

She sighed and laid flat on her stomach, which was doing flip-flops at the thought of James Potter. She inhaled deeply thinking of all the reasons Amos had reminded her of James and she opened her mouth to speak, but for a tiny instant, she paused. James' face shone fresh in her mind, and she felt her heart surprisingly clench with longing to see him again. But why! Why did she feel like this? About him! It was James! He made her miserable! And she was completely obsessed with Amos, wasn't she? So why did she keep thinking of Potter? At least Amos was a kind guy all around, while James was kind and evil at the same time! It didn't make any sense.

"James has always been popular at the school," she started off, "and I've known him for quite awhile. I was actually forced to know him because we've had plenty of classes together every year and he was always following me around. His done some pretty nasty things to people, yet he gets off the hook for some reason. I was head over heels infatuated with him, until he pranked me for the first time and I was mad. I think I've been holding a grudge against him ever since and whenever he does things to other people, I understand their suffering and I want to jinx him," She stopped and looked up at Amos to see if he was even listening. He was.

"What does this have to do with me being like James," he asked.

"It… doesn't…" she nearly whispered as something dawned on her. Her eyes widened as the thought presented itself with complete obviousness. She sat up, aghast at her own mind.

"What?" James quirked an eyebrow. Lily was drifting subjects, which was quite unlike her.

"Truthfully," she said, regaining her composure and looking him directly in the eyes, "I haven't been thinking you _are_ James Potter; I've been _wishing_ you were James Potter."

It took a long while before James could even think to start breathing again. Her bluntness completely knocked his senses out because it was the last thing he expected to hear from her mouth. For quite sometime, he stared at her. He was almost waiting for her to suddenly burst out laughing and tease him for his shocked face, to tell him that it was all a joke, and to break his heart yet again.

"You've been _wishing_," he repeated, "that I was James Potter."

She nodded silently, now tucking her knees to her chest. Amos brought up a really good point. Lily had been thinking about James a lot. She did talk about him a lot as well, subconsciously of course. In fact, she thought about him every night before she went to bed and said a prayer for him to be kept safe. There was still no word of him and she was terribly worried. She hadn't known why before, but now she knew. She cared about him. She cared about the only person who could drive her completely crazy. She _did_ like him! How! How did she come to this realization within two weeks without him? As if he was reading her mind, Amos spoke up.

"You do like him, don't you," James' heart was throbbing against his ribcage and waiting for her response seemed to take a lifetime.

"No," Lily whispered trying to deny every emotion.

"You lie. I can see it in your eyes. You're cheeks are flushed _and_ you're trembling."

"No! …Yes! NO! UGH! _Damn _IT! I like him! I _actually care_ about him!" Lily moaned in frustration.

James nearly died of a heart attack.

"Wh—wh—wh—why?" he managed to grab a breath after remembering he needed to breath to stay alive and hear Lily's next words.

"I don't know why," she said miserably, "I don't _know_! It's so wrong of me to like him! It has to be a sin somewhere! I've taken advantage of his kindness towards me and I miss him. I have no idea where he is and it scares the _hell _out of me. I don't know where he is! Although he's a prankster, he makes up for it in brains. He's intelligent, I'll admit. But to not have him by me is completely awkward. He's always been by me since our first year. Whether he's trying to annoy me or seduce me!" she laughed slightly.

"It's the little things that draw him to me, I guess, but I never wanted to see it. I didn't want to become a Marauder groupie like all of the other Hogwarts girls. I just didn't want to admit it. I like the way he smiles when he answers before me in class, I like the way he asks me out in a whisper despite his known confidence, I like the way his bravery shines through him and affects everyone whom he surrounds. It's funny that he's so known for his bad side, but it's even sweeter when he treats everyone with respect, especially Dumbledore. The kid would die for Dumbledore! And he's so loyal to his friends, he's so protective of me…" Lily cut herself off when she noticed tears were welling in her eyes. But she refused to let them roll down her cheek.

James sat absolutely still, as if one movement could shatter the tender moment forever and it would be lost in the abyss of façade and lies. Here she was a mere two feet away from him, confessing her hidden love for him and he heard everything. He smiled to himself, knowing that he had accomplished his mission. Though, he didn't do much work as Amos since Lily came to realize she liked James all on her own.

"You know," Lily began again, "I did use to like you. All of last year I would have given anything to have you look or speak to me. Now that I've gotten a chance to do that, I'm torn between you and James. Your personality is so loveable, your charm, your eloquence and just you are made perfect. Well, not perfect, but close enough to it. When I'm with you, there's nothing else I can think about but you. But when we're not together, my thoughts always shift back to James. I just _miss_ him, Amos! And if he's gone, I won't have even gotten the chance to tell him that I _do_ care for him as much as he cares for me."

"I don't think that's possible," James said, finally finding his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"You can never care for him as much as he cares for you, because he loves you." He whispered.

Lily looked up at him in confusion.

"Love? You would know that…how?"

"Boys talk as much as girls."

"But he doesn't love me. He just has a bloody crush. He just wants me to like him because he thinks I'm the only girl that doesn't."

James felt the sudden urge to prove her wrong. So, without further ado, he leant forward and gently captured her mouth with a gentle kiss. It was the sweetest thing. She had obviously never been kissed before and James prided himself on the fact that he was her first. The contact he had dreamed of for so long sent shocks to his heart, but she suddenly pulled away just as he was about to probe further.

She looked surprised and fearful at the same time and was breathing rather fast. _Amos Diggory _had just kissed her in the Astronomy Tower.

"I have to go," she breathed and ran down the flight of steps before Amos could even open his mouth to ask why.

When James heard her close the door, he cursed himself over and over for making the stupidest mistake of his life. But she was practically begging for that kiss! How could anyone expect her to say something like that to him, without doing anything about it! He had to admit, though, he didn't regret it completely.

She ran all the way to the Heads' Quarters slammed her door behind her and leant back against it. Lily wanted to hide, but she didn't know why or from what. She had been waiting for this moment for forever and yet, she was unsatisfied. The second his lips touched her, James' face came racing through her mind, once again. She couldn't kiss Amos like that and it pained her to pull away because she wanted it badly. On the other hand, she was confused by the timing of his kiss! She had just realized she liked James Potter, her sworn enemy, and told Amos everything about it and he responds by kissing her!

"What is _that_ suppose to mean!" she muttered lying down on her bed, her head throbbing and lips tingling. Amos or James, Amos or James, Amos or James her mind spiraled with thoughts. It would make more sense for her to like Amos! After all, he did actually have a better reputation and personality than Potter. But James had always been there her whole life and she couldn't deny that she had feelings for him for some reason.

She couldn't fall asleep, so she got up and paced around the Common Room. Then, an idea popped into her head and she stared at James' door. Maybe there was a clue as to where he was in there. She wanted to find him. She wanted to make sure that she really liked him.

"Maybe I _think_ that I like Potter, but I don't. Maybe I just miss him. Maybe…" Lily trailed off and realized she was talking to herself again. She decided that she wouldn't go into James' room just yet. Looking out of the window between the Head Boy and Girl's room, she saw the vast Forbidden Forest. Could it be possible, he was stupid enough to go in there? But why would he go in there when he was suppose to be with his mother and father? Maybe he got kidnapped?

"Lily don't be stupid!" she scolded herself. Who would kidnap James Potter? Who _could_ capture James Potter? He was the one step under Dumbledore in wizarding skill. Then Lily though about the only person who could do it.

_Voldemort_.

She shuddered. Of course, James wouldn't be kidnapped by Voldemort, but it would be more logical for James to go after Voldemort. After all, his parents were severely injured on account of looking for He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Maybe James wanted revenge? Maybe James was looking for him in the Forest. These thought were irrational, she knew, but still there was that slight chance that it might be true. After all, Dumbledore did mention to her and James that Voldemort had allies in the Forbidden Forest. There was no harm in searching for a little while.

"This is stupid. I'm going to get killed out there!" she muttered to herself as she threw on her cloak and grabbed her wand and lantern. If James was in trouble, she would never forgive herself if she didn't do anything to help him. He hadn't been received at home yet, as Adelaide daily-reminded Dumbledore. It made sense that James would be looking for Voldemort. But what didn't make sense what that Lily's instincts were telling her not to go, and yet she was already out the door.

James was still in the Astronomy Tower, cursing himself to hell when he saw a fleeting figure cross the field. He squinted as realized he was stupid since there was a telescope right next to him. He looked into the lens and followed the cloaked figure. Who would be up this late? It was already past dinner, he knew that much since the Great Hall lamps were dimmed. Everyone should be in his or her dorms by now. Then he noticed the direction the person was walking in: straight into the Forbidden Forrest. Whoever it was, shouldn't even be out of the castle, nonetheless walking into the Forbidden Forrest. Who was that?

James decided to go check it out for himself, threw on his cloak, and pocketed his wand. Jogging down the staircase, he remembered Dumbledore telling him and Lily that Voldemort has allies in the Forbidden Forrest. What if one of the Hogwarts student's was a Death Eater? It would be that Lucius Malfoy kid. The stupid Slytherin favored Mudbloods and yet was hypocritical enough to be slobbering over Lily. What if that was him? James walked fast enough to catch up to the figure with his wand clutched in his hand. He stayed back far enough so that the person wouldn't know he was following.

Lily slowed down a little. It was dark and she felt like someone was following her. She stopped. There were no footsteps; well at least she heard none. She dropped her hood to make sure she listened carefully enough.

James held in a gasp when the person's hood dropped, revealing long auburn hair that could only belong to Lily. What was _she_ doing here! Surely, she wasn't a Death Eater! She was a Gryffindor! James was breathing heavily now, his heart slamming against his ribs as he held himself back from shaking her by the arms and demanding to know what the hell was going on.

But he didn't even have the time to call out her name because as dark as the night was, it got darker all of a sudden. He heard Lily squeak in terror when a cold chill swept through the forest and rustled the trees.

"Lossssssssst little girl?" a cold voice called from the darkness.

Lily whirled around and around trying to figure out which direction it was coming from. Her heart was beating furiously from fear and she had a lump in her throat that was preventing her from screaming for help.

"It'ssss not ssssafe for sssstudentsssss to be alone in the foresssst," the voice hissed again, this time closer.

"Who are you?" she demanded, trying to sound strong though her eyes were watery with unshed tears.

James was rooted in his spot behind the tree listening to everything. He decided he wouldn't show himself until the right time. When Voldemort would make his move, he would move in.

"Join me, Evansss," the voice was now above her and Lily felt the goose bumps rise all over her body.

The wind blew like ice, moving the clouds away from the moon, which revealed a cloaked devil with dark, hollow eyes, grim reapers hands and a twisted smile. Lily shivered and tried to reach for her wand, but she could move.

"Join me," he demanded again.

"No," she whispered, "No! Never!"

"Then die, mudblood!" Voldemort drew his wand cackling insanely.

"CRUCIO!" a voice boomed from behind Lily. Voldemort cried out as he landed on the ground with a thump and squirmed in the dirt. James yelled out every pain-inducing spell he knew one after the other, never giving Voldemort a chance to get up. The spells shot from his wands like red lasers, mercilessly stabbing Voldemort.

Lily turned to see who it was and came face to face with Amos Diggory. How had he found her? Well whatever the case, she was grateful he was here. She would have died.

"Avada…" Voldemort began as he twitched violently.

"Expelliarmus!" Lily screamed, picked up his wands and broke it in two pieces.

"NO!" Voldemort yelled.

James ran to Lily and grabbed her around the shoulders in the tightest hug, planting kisses on top of her head.

"Are you alright?" he whispered.

"Now, yes." She buried her face into his chest where she felt the safest and protected.

"Filthy Gryffindors! Your time will come!" Voldemort moaned as he sank in the ground and all that was left was his cloak.

"Where did he go?" Lily turned slightly to look up at Amos.

"He probably Apparated," James looked at the empty cloak, "But he'll be back. After all you did break his wand." He tried to joke, but Lily trembled with known fear that he would be back for her.

"We have to go back. We have to tell Dumbledore what happened. I can't believe he was here and didn't attack the school."

"He still needs followers, you heard him."

"He said, 'Filthy Gryffindors'," Lily said releasing herself from his arms, "You're in Hufflepuff. Why didn't he call out your house?"

"I don't know," James lied. In truth, he knew that Voldemort sensed his essence. There was no hiding from him.

"How are you so powerful?" Lily continued her interrogation. Something wasn't right.

"I've been practicing over the summer," he lied, "Come on, let's go back."

"I have to tell Dumbledore," she said as they crossed the field.

"No," James said forcefully, "_You_ are going to your room so I know that nothing will happen to you. You'll be safe there. _I'll_ tell Dumbledore."

"Stop treating me like a child. It's not like I'm not going to be safe with Dumbledore!" Lily countered.

"I'm taking you to your room. And if I have to, I will put a spell on the lock to make sure you can't get out," James was capable of such things.

"You can't do that!" she protested.

"Try me!" he challenged.

She shut up and walked to her room. James followed closely behind her to make sure that she stayed in her room and didn't sneak out when he left. When he heard her locked the door, he turned in the direction of Dumbledore's office and started to walk.

Unfortunately, a hand shot out and grabbed him, shoving him against the wall. James felt for his wand, but stopped when he heard his abductor's voice.

"Prongs, you are deep shit if you don't fess up to what you've been up to!" Sirius threatened.

James had no choice but to tell both Sirius and Remus everything in the Boys' Dormitory. He completely forgot to tell Dumbledore what happened that night.

Meanwhile, in the Common Room, Lily broke down crying. Everything was so messed up! She hated being cooped up alone in this stupid Heads' Quarter with no one but herself. And tonight she almost died! If it weren't for Amos, she would probably be a Death Eater tonight, or killed!

"Oh, Merlin!" she cried out. She went out to look for James, and instead almost got killed, "James." She whispered sitting up straight remembering that he was the reason she even went out there. Obviously the Forbidden Forrest was the stupidest idea, but looking in his room would be much safer and she was sure to find something there. It was his home away from home.

She pushed open the heavy oak door and flipped on the lights to reveal a surprisingly tidy room. There were photos of his mother and father on his desk, his grandmother and him, and there was one of Lily. She was smiling and waving and Lily wondered where the photo was from. It was recent, she knew that much. Normally, she would have been angry that he kept a photo of her on his desk, but now that she understood what it felt like to actually care for someone, she wished she had a picture of him. She missed those warm, hazel eyes that no one in the world had but him. Shifting through his books, there were no letters of any sort that were helpful to her. Finally, she gave up and sat on his bed, exhausted. She attempted to lie across it to stretch, but her back hit something solid. She looked down at the bed, and there was nothing there.

So she thought.

When she brought her hand down to test it again, she hit something hard. Her hand was at least a foot off the bed in the air! What was going on!

Lily scrunched her eyes in concentration, and held her breath when she discovered she felt fabric. It was silky and she took a handful of it and pulled it back.

She screamed so piercing that James' pet owl squawked with despair.

Lily couldn't breathe, she couldn't blink, she couldn't move.

For there, lying on James' bed was Amos Diggory.


	8. Hidden Truths

**Thanks to all of you who reviewed. Keep it coming, it makes me write faster! Sorry this one's really short, but I promise that when tennis and school calm down a little bit I'll update a lot faster! Remember, I love to hear from you! --MoaninMyrtle**

Chapter 8: Hidden Truths

"This is your last night as Amos. I hope you remembered that James. Furthermore, I hope you didn't do anything stupid to screw it up!" Remus whispered furiously upon learning James had taken Lily to the Astronomy Tower. The Astronomy Tower, for God's sake!

"I—" James began.

"Just tell me one thing," Remus interrupted, "Will she be expecting to receive kisses from Amos tomorrow?"

James' face bleached.

Sirius, who was leaning back on the couch suddenly propelled himself forward for James neck.

"YOU BLOODY GIT!" he screamed with his hands wrapped around James throat.

"Gaaah…!" James choked meekly.

"Let him go. Let him speak," Remus muttered. Sirius threw James' head against the couch one last time, muttered something under his breath and walked away.

"What's your problem!" James softly asked, testing if Sirius squeezed his voice box into nothingness.

Sirius looked at Remus, with the same glaring eyes. Remus shrugged in response. It was as if they were communicating silently and James didn't like it one bit.

"What? What! Wha—"

"Shut up, Potter! You sound like a squawking turkey," Sirius growled.

_What's up his ass!_ James stared at Remus. Instead of shrugging, Remus sighed and looked at Sirius, as if asking his permission to speak. Sirius, with his black mood, grunted, got up, walked into the Boys' Dormitory and slammed the door behind him.

"What the hell!" James shouted at the ceiling.

"Calm down, James. There's something that I should tell you. I wonder why he never told you anything about this, and it'll be quite a treat for you. But, I think you might want to sit down," Remus scratched his head, trying to weave himself out of telling James, but not succeeding.

"I am sitting."

"Then you might want to lie down," Remus offered.

"Just tell me," James stared at Remus. Never had it taken him so long to get to the damn point.

"Um, well you know how Sirius was kicked out of his house for accusing his dad of raping his sister?"

James nodded.

"Do you know how his family tree goes?"

James shook his head.

"Okay, well…his sister isn't his real sister. I mean, it's his real sister but she's from a different dad," Remus blabbed.

"What?"

"His step-sister was raped by his father. But he couldn't prove it," Remus clarified.

"Why didn't his step-sister just confess?"

"Because she was threatened by Sirius' father that he would murder her mother if she said anything," Remus sighed. This was so hard to get out.

"What does this have to do with him being an ass," James motioned towards the door that was slammed not too long ago.

"He's not an ass, James. That step-sister of his…that's Lily."

Everything in James' world seemed to collapse in an instant. He suddenly felt like he never knew Sirius or Lily. How could he not know this! Why hadn't Sirius ever told him about her?

"I don't understand," was all James could say. And he didn't understand, that much was true. There was this whole gap in Sirius' life that James never knew until now and Sirius had lived with James for over six years.

"They hate each other," James said marveling at Sirius and Lily's connection.

"She hates him for revealing it and he hates her for not defending him," Remus stated.

"Six years of not knowing," James whispered, "Ever since we got to Hogwarts…they've known and they never once mentioned the relation."

"I know," Remus said.

"Why didn't he tell me about her! It must have killed him every time I said her name! I've been dogging after her for the whole six years they hated each other!"

"He didn't want you to know."

"So why did he attack me just now!" James felt the bruises forming on his throat.

"You took her to the Astronomy Tower," Remus said as if it explained everything.

"And what!"

"Well, assuming what usually happens in the Astronomy Tower…" Remus slightly blushed.

"We didn't! And even if we did, why would he care if he hates her so much!" James jumped up.

"The last time he heard from Lily, she was raped. The last thing he _needs_ to hear is she was raped by you."

"THAT'S BULLSHIT!" James exploded, leaping off the couch.

"James!" Remus tried to shush him.

"NO! THAT'S BULLSHIT! I WOULD NEVER FORCE LILY TO DO ANYTHING! NEVER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND! NEVER!" he roared completely outraged that his best friend would one: not tell him that Lily was his stepsister, two: not tell him that Lily was the one that was raped and three: accusing him of raping Lily!

"I understand," Remus sighed, receiving the verbal outburst without complaint. This is what he got for staying in a room with hot-tempered Gryffindors.

"I don't think you understand! I love her damn it! I _LOVE_ HER! I would never force her to love me physically or emotionally! Never!" James collapsed on the couch with his head in his hands recovering from everything that had happened today.

"I got her to realize what feelings she has for me, Remus…and now this," James swept his hand down his face in frustration and then rustled his hair.

"She likes you then?"

"Yeah, she likes me. But I can't do this to Sirius," James turned away from Remus, got up and grabbed the spare blankets and a pillow from the closet.

"I'll sleep on the couch tonight. I can't be in the same room with him, he'll kill me in my sleep," James patted the pillow into the couch and wrapped himself in the blanket.

Remus attempted to get up and leave but James called him back.

"I'm not done," James told him.

"What else is there for you to know?" Remus looked at the clock. It was already past two and everyone was sleeping.

"Voldemort's back," James said.

"No…" Remus gasped. Hogwarts was in grave danger if he regained strength.

"He attacked Lily, but I got to him first. Do you think she's safe?"

"Why wouldn't she be?"

"She broke his wand."

"Oh shit." Remus covered his mouth with his hand. Was Lily really that stupid to break the Dark Lord's wand? How did she even break it?

"She did it to protect me. Well, Amos actually. I would have died tonight," James stopped after that and shuddered.

"James you have to tell Sirius. Now that you know, you have to tell him!" Remus insisted.

"I can't, right now he wants to kill me. You have to explain everything to him," James shoved Remus off the couch with his legs.

_I can't believe this! I'm a fucking messenger boy!_ Remus rolled his eyes when James smiled up at him, cuddling in his blankets.

"Please and thank you!" James smiled as he closed his eyes.

"You little brat! You better be thankful that you're my mate, else I would have thrown you to Fluffy!" Remus wagged his finger at James.

"Fluffy's a puppy," James said, with his eyes still closed.

"A puppy with three heads, mind you!" Remus slightly laughed at James who suddenly opened his eyes with a _You wouldn't, would you?_ look.

So, as if he was walking into Hell, Remus turned the knob to the Boys' Dormitory to have a little chitchat with Sirius.


	9. Drawn Conclusions

Chapter 9: Drawn Conclusions

"Amos…" Lily whispered as she dared to stretch out her hand. She laid it upon his chest, which seemed to rise and fall with a steady breath and she felt his heart beating. He was alive, and yet asleep. She tried to wake him by whispering, poking and shaking him, but his eyes would not meet hers. He seemed to be under a spell.

"What happened to you!" she whispered urgently, expecting an answer. She had just seen him minutes ago walking away from her door when he was sure she had locked it. There was no way he could have apparated into James' room. And why would he want to? Maybe Voldemort never wasted anytime getting revenge on his enemies.

"That can't be possible," Lily muttered while staring at Amos' face as if it would give her a hint. Lily had broken Voldemort's wand and he was not strong enough to work magic without it. Finally, she assumed it was one of the Marauder boys playing a trick on her. After all, James had not been home for a while and they could not last more than two weeks without playing a prank on someone for entertainment, even if their ringmaster was not there.

"Where the hell is he…"

Lily's thoughts shifted from Amos to James and she began to worry again. For two weeks, he had been missing and apparently, he never went after Voldemort, so where would he be hiding? _Why_ would he be hiding? Taking one last look at Amos, Lily decided to take it to the Headmaster even though it was late. If James had not been received at home by now, obviously something was wrong and if Dumbledore did not realize it, then he the school gave him more credit than he deserved. Also, Lily was certain that Amos had not gone to Dumbledore's office to tell him about Voldemort because his top priority was keeping Lily in her room. Nevertheless, Lily swung her legs over the side of the bed and made her way to the Dumbledore's office. Passing the pictures along the side of the wall, most of who were sleeping, the ones who were awake smiled at her as though they knew something she did not. She turned the corner and walked straight into the caretaker, Hardin Filch, with a sound thud.

Scared out of her mind since she did not expect anyone to be roaming the halls, Lily wanted to scream, but it came out as a squeak.

"You!" Filch pointed his bony finger to her face, "Go back to your room, now!"

"My name is Lily and—"

"I wouldn't care if your name was Lassie! Turn around! Do you have any idea what time of day it is?" he waited for half a second before saying, "I'll tell you! It is two in the morning! Now scat!"

"I'm sorry, but—"

"GO!" then he started mumbling fiercely and Lily became more terrified of what would happen to her if she stayed than what would happen if she did not stay. Turning on her heel, she made her way back to the Heads' Quarters, but decided to pass by the Gryffindor common room to see if Remus and Sirius were still awake. If they were, God help them, she would raise a storm about the stupid prank they decided to play on her. When she placed her hand upon the doorknob, she heard loud voices and decided to listen in to make sure that it was an appropriate time to interrupt. Pressing her ear between the crack of the door and the doorframe, she heard Remus distinctly.

"This is your last night as Amos. I hope you remembered that James," Remus was saying in a scolding manner. Lily gasped. She heard mumbling and then Sirius roaring and James gagging. Was that James? Was it really?

" Shut up, Potter! You sound like a squawking turkey," Sirius growled. Lily's eyes flooded with tears and she couldn't prevent them from falling like a waterfall. Covering her face, she ran into the Heads' Quarters and slammed the door. Throwing herself on her bed for what seemed like the hundredth time in two weeks, she sobbed her heart out.

She just _couldn't _believe it. She didn't _want_ to believe it. She heard it, though. She heard it! Her ears couldn't have betrayed her. Could they? Sirius would never act like that to James; he had no reason to. She had to see him. So once again, she invaded James' room and looked for the cloak that had covered Amos' body. She shivered. It was his body, with no soul. Lying there, it seemed as if he was dead and if his chest hadn't slightly risen, she would be screaming of fear. Quickly, she snatched the cloak away and made she didn't touch any part of the body. If it was good enough to cover his body, it was good enough for her. She wrapped it around her shoulders and checked in the mirror amazed to she her head floating on air. Mesmerized, she opened and closed the cloak over her body and after the fifth time, she stopped realizing she was being stupid and she was wasting time.

"Potter, if you're in there, I'm going to kill you," she thought as she stepped out into the hall once more, this time throwing the cloak over her head to hide her whole body. She was tiny, she most of it trailed behind her. She heard footsteps and saw a dim light from the end of the hallway, held her breath and pressed herself up against the wall. But Filch passed by and Lily continued to breath when she her the steps fade down the staircase.

It took a while for her to get to the Gryffindor Dorms because she was so cautious about making a noise that she ended up taking baby steps on her tiptoes.

"Halata," she whispered to the Fat Lady portrait that was grunting in her sleep. She "mmmhmm"ed and the door swung open. Slowly, Lily entered holding her breath with dread. If it were him, her world would fall.

She thought that she would have to get into the Boys' Dormitory somehow, but there was already someone who was on the couch. A fire had been made and whoever it was had wrapped themselves in a cocoon of blankets. She heard the soft breathing as she came closer, but she couldn't catch the face since he (definitely a he) was turned with their back to the fire.

She crept closer, and closer still…until…

"No", she whispered, not in a painful, breaking voice, but in an angry denial, "No!" she repeated loud enough to stir the air in front of her mouth.

He groaned and rolled over so that in the firelight, dim as it was, she made out every feature on his face, instantly recognizing it and hating it at the same time. Though she wanted to take him by the throat, she settled for storming out of the Dorm room and collapsing against her own door.

It _was _him! That bastard! That terrible, horrible, stupid little git! Lily started to run out of curses and resorted to throwing a tantrum in her room, slamming the door, throwing the pillow, breaking glass she would have to repair later but didn't care. She had been ultimately humiliated! Remembering every moment she shared with Amos, in reality she had shared it with James! James who was supposed to be with his dying parents, but would rather stay at Hogwarts to make a complete fool out of her! That _bastard!_

In horror, she realized everything she had ever said to Amos, was James. Moreover, she remembered not only what she had said last week, but what she had said not even six hours ago. She announced that she liked him! And he kissed her! Everything fit! That's why he kissed her...it wasn't Amos…it was James. That's why she always compared Amos to James; because she knew him essentially…the way his ran his hands through his hair in frustration and when he was trying to show off, the money, the broom flying…hot tears jerked at the corners of her eyes and she let them fall freely. They were tears of humiliation and no one could ever hold them back. God, she must have looked so stupid to him. He knew he was manipulating her and he never said anything. And his parents were in the hospital! That was something she would never let go! They needed him and he was here all this time! Making a puppet out of her!

How could she have liked him? She should have known that he was only after her because she hadn't answered his disposal. She should've known better. He was nothing but an insolent, spoiled, cold-hearted, cold-blooded…DAMN HIM! JUST _DAMN_ HIM! There was no one-way to express the rage she was feeling. Her head felt hot, her hands trembled with anger, and if James had the nerve to show up at that particular moment, she would have wrapped those trembling hands around his neck and choked him, no—throttled him!

There was no use yelling at him. It seems that Sirius and Remus had that all under control. But Lily's blood was coursing with anger and she was going to explode if she didn't get him back just as well. Killing him would do, but she laughed bitterly seeing that would only get a kick out of his face when she raised her knife, or wand…but whatever the case, she wouldn't kill him, no…oh no. First, that was a little too overdramatic and second, this revenge was going to be a lifelong torture. He was going to feel the same humiliation she felt, three times as hard every day for the rest of his life once he figured it out!

"Fuck him," she announced to the blackened sky. Through the whole night, she plotted what was to be the best prank in history.

"Will they make it?" Adelaide shook from fear and exhaustion. For a whole two weeks, she had been on the tip of her nerves for Marian and Colin. Colin had not recovered from his coma, and Marian couldn't move her lower body.

"At this point, all we can tell you is that Colin is in a coma—" Dr. Church started off and in Adelaide wanted to smack him for tell her information she had known for two weeks, "and that Marian is paralyzed from the waist down." Again, Adelaide was going to smack him. Duh! As if Adelaide hadn't known Marian couldn't move her legs, she had only told her that every day for the past fourteen days!

"Stupid Muggles," she muttered.

"I beg your pardon?" Dr. Church asked.

"Sommmmmme…water? Do you have some water?" Adelaide cleared her throat. What she really needed was James and some sleep. He only added to her frustration. Within two weeks, he hadn't been spotted anywhere and she couldn't find him anywhere. Dumbledore couldn't find him anywhere, and if Dumbledore couldn't do it, then there was no chance of Adelaide ever finding him. She hoped that James hadn't taken the Floo Powder and landed in some foreign country, or worse—the desert.

"Mom," Marian moaned weakly from her bed.

"Shh, lay still. You'll be okay," Adelaide took her daughters hand. The bruising from the accident had significantly vanished and there were only pigments of purple spots on her body.

"I know. I know I'll be okay, but it's not me…What about Colin. What's wrong with Colin, why won't he wake up?" Marian started tearing. She loved her husband more than anything. They were Hogwarts sweethearts and she had never passed a day without him since. She longed to hear his voice and she needed to see James. She wanted proof that he was alive and well unlike Colin.

"He's still in the coma," Adelaide said, "Comma…coma? I don't know, the stupid Muggle doctor has said it everyday and it's about time he got some new information."

"It's coma. And just as long as it's positive information, then I'll be fine with hearing it," Marian sighed deeply, "What about James?"

Adelaide feared this question everyday. Marian would soon lose her patience if James wasn't here and she was sure that it was impossible to find him.

"No sign of him, then?" Marian read it all over her mother's face. Where is he? She thought to herself. Surely, he wouldn't stay away if both she and his father were in the hospital. Maybe the Post Owls got mixed up? Again, she sighed. There was no way that could happen. Maybe James just didn't want to see them in this condition. Maybe James didn't want to see them at all. She remembered her last conversation with James at the house before he had left for Hogwarts.

James sat at the breakfast table pouring a healthy portion of syrup onto his pancakes and sausages, stabbing it with his fork and knife waiting while Sirius was in the shower, when Colin came in and almost growled.

"Dad?" James looked up, sensing that he was pissed.

Colin didn't say one word, he just lifted up his right hand, from which a red-laced bra hung from his fingers. James tried not to choke on the sausage that was on the way down to his stomach.

"This yours?" Colin asked with intensity, " 'Cuz it sure as hell isn't your mom's!"

" Dad…" James tried to start, but Marian came in all dressed for work.

"Good morn…" she stopped immediately seeing that her husband was holding a red-laced bra that certainly did not come from her drawers. She immediately set accusing eyes on James, "I though we talked about this."

"It's not mine!" James exclaimed in defense.

"Don't lie to me, James!" Marian planted her fists on her hips with the most menacing look.

"He's not lying," Colin firmly said.

"Thank you!" James breathed a sigh of relief.

"Whose was it then, because it isn't mine and I haven't any daughters AND if I did, they would not be wearing that!" she went over to the sink.

" I found it on Sirius' floor when I went to take the garbage from the rooms," Colin sat down in a chair and ran his fingers through his hair.

"That's it. He's out," Marian announced.

"Yeah, I know," Colin said getting up from the table.

Suddenly, James stood up so fast that his chair fell to the floor with a loud bang.

"You can't do that!" he shouted furiously, "You have no right to do that!"

"We do, hun, he violated the rules. I will not allow him to…you know, in my house! On the bed mattress that I paid for!" Marian crossed her arms.

"Your mom's right. This is our house and we told him the rules from day one. It was his choice whether or not to…"

"NO! I won't let you put him out! Dad! He's got nowhere to go!" James appealed to his father, who was more easily swayed than Marian.

"I'm sorry son but the rules…"

"Don't you get it?! He's got nowhere to go! He's got nobody!" James was on the verge of tears. How could they even think of dumping Sirius on the streets. He was like a brother to James! And Sirius would never be able to make a living on his own, it was just impossible!

"Oh, sweetie…" Marian walked over to James.

"Stop it! I'm not a child, Mom!" James threw her hands off of his shoulders, "It isn't fair! He messed up once! If I talk to him, he's never going to do it again! I promise!"

"James, we know that you care about Sirius a lot, but he can't stay. Sooner or later he's got to sort things out with his folks…" Colin said.

"Dad! He can't ever go back! What's the matter with you! Don't you understand? He turned his back on his family because no one would believe him when he was telling the truth! Do you want him to lie his whole life!?" James' temper rose significantly, "All my life you've been telling me that lying is a terrible thing, but you're going to leave Sirius without a home when all he did was tell the truth and his family shut him out?"

"It's not like that, James. It's just that we have rules," Marian said.

"So what, if I broke one of the stupid rules once you'd set me on the streets, too!?" James challenged.

"Hey, hold your temper!" Colin warned, "You're different. You're our son, flesh and blood."

"He's like your son, too! He's like my brother! I will _not_ let you take him out of this house and if you do I swear to God I'm leaving right along with him!" James threatened.

"So go, then," Marian said calmly.

"What!" Colin shot her a look of ultimate surprise.

"If he wants to go, he can go. Sirius is out no matter what. He had rules. No sex. Sirius made a choice to break it. If James wants to go, then he chooses to go. I'm not going to stand here and try to convince him of what's right. He's old enough to do that," Marian turned her back to James after her speech so that he wouldn't see the tears running down her cheeks.

"What your mother's trying to say is that we understand that you're just trying to protect your friend, James, we really do. But Sirius can't stay with us forever and we have to let him go at some point. Maybe he can use this to learn from his mistakes," Colin tried to make James understand since unlike Marian, he wasn't willing to let James wander on his own in the world at his age with Voldemort on the rise.

"No, Dad, I hope you learn from your mistake," James shook his head, disappointed at both his parents. If his mom wanted him out, he was going out. So within five minutes he was packed for Hogwarts and he never told Sirius the story on their way to Platform ¾ and he never told Sirius the story on the train ride and still, the secret has been kept.

Marian lay back on her pillows with tears rolling endlessly down her cheeks. She didn't want it to end like that. She wanted to apologize to James because now she understood how brave he was to try and fend for Sirius and how important Sirius' friendship was. With Colin in the coma, not knowing if he was going to make it, she wanted to James to at least be there to see Colin. It was hard for her to fall back asleep after that and so she sat up all night writing letters to Colin and to James and praying for his return.


	10. Facades Galore

Chapter 10: Façades Galore

James woke up in the morning with the blankets tucked under his chin and noticed the fire was still burning a little. He checked the clock and it read 5 a.m. School didn't start until two more hours, so he decided to get an early start at fixing himself up. He looked in the mirror and groaned at his own face. Here was the face that could attract any girl he wanted, but repelled the only girl that he _most_ wanted. Then he learns that she actually has feelings for him and now was his chance to prove himself to her. But cowardice crept over him and he took out the extra bottle of hair that was laying inside his pocket. He stared through the bottle to the mirror and sighed deeply. It was so much easier for him to play the part of Amos when he knew that Lily like him. She treated Amos better than she had ever treated James and James loved that feeling. He loved being around her when both of them were comfortable. He loved the way she looked at him with those emerald eyes shining with delight. Hell, he thought, he loved _her_. He sighed. Was he allowed to say that when all she did was glare at him when he wasn't Amos? He couldn't help that he had feelings for her and yet…he looked at the bottle, unscrewed it and re-brewed another Instant Polyjuice Potion stolen from the secret cabinets, all the while thinking about what a coward he was being.

"Aw, hell, Potter!" he heard a voice moan from behind him. James raised his eyes to meet Sirius' in the mirror. Sirius was disheveled and groggy, but his scowl was apparent nonetheless.

"I have to."

"No! You don't. Be yourself damnit! For one day, just be yourself with her," Sirius walked over to the sink in an attempt to dump the potion, but James took it and held it out of his reach.

"This was your idea from the start anyway! Why are you so opposed to it now? Why!"

"It's gone too far. At first it was a game, but now it's gone too far. People are going to get hurt the way things are going, Prongs. I know you know that."

James sighed. He did know it. He knew it all too well as a matter of fact but…

"I can't face her myself. I want to know the truth about her…about us, and the only way I can do it is through Amos," James bowed his head in self-loathing, "I don't have the strength…I don't have the guts to ask her myself and to let her know what I've done behind her back."

"I won't let you hurt her anymore. The more you pretend, the more she gets hurt in the end. I won't stand for it, James!" Sirius again attempted to reach for the potion feeling very protective of Lily all of a sudden. He hadn't felt like this ever since the incident six years ago.

"I don't want to hurt her either, damnit! But this is the only way I can find out the truth! It's all I want! I've waited too long for this; I've been pining almost half my life for her! She does things to me, Sirius, things I can't understand. I can't think straight when she's talking to me, I can't see straight, I can't do anything but stare at her until she finishes scolding me or beating me up! Can you imagine? I let myself get beat up by Lily Evans! And even after all of it, I still like her! She…she…I don't know. She's something else."

"I know that. But there has to be a way you can do it as James Potter. You always find a way when you want to," Sirius almost smiled and tried to hide it, but James saw.

"So you forgive me, then?"

"After what you've done for me, I could never hate you. But as for my sister—what you do to her will meet its _own_ consequences," Sirius warned gravely.

"I haven't done anything for you," James mumbled.

"What are you talking about! You basically disowned yourself on my account just so I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life!" Sirius threw his arms up in disbelief.

James' mouth dropped. That had been the day they had left for Hogwarts and James had never said anything about it. James had never mentioned it!

"You knew?"

"Prongs, I'm a dog—I have the best ears," Sirius laughed. Then he sternly walked over to James and shook his shoulders, "I know you. You would do anything to spare the people you love any pain. You saved me. Now save Lily and be yourself."

There was something sincerely touching in his voice, but James forced himself to push it aside. He knew what he had to do and being the stubborn, arrogant fool he was, he was going to follow through with his plans.

"I'm so sorry Sirius. It's got to be this way," James looked down at the potion. Sirius was silent for a moment scanning James in disbelief. Finally, he dropped his hands from James' shoulders and look at him so directly that James shivered. It was as if Sirius could read his soul.

"If she cries, I'll make you cry," Sirius warned.

James nodded, Sirius acknowledged it and then walked away fearing the worst of the coming situation.

-------

Lily sat in front of her vanity with eyes red and puffed from crying, hair mussed from turning constantly in her bed never finding a comfortable position, and face pale—almost transparent. She stared at the mirror.

James stared at the mirror.

She took her wand and cantered a spell.

He grabbed the potion and swallowed.

Gold dust showered her whole body.

He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his face bubble.

She breathed heavily and scanned her new self.

He opened his eyes and saw everything but himself.

Revenge started now.

He promised this was the last time.

------

"Whoa," Peter whispered in passing Lily in the hallway. She flicked her head so her auburn hair flew over her shoulder.

"Lil, baby!" Michael hooted as she waved her hips seductively.

"Oh, my God, Becky. Look at her butt. It is _so_ big," Genevieve said disgusted. Becky nodded furiously and threw Lily a scathing look.

"I think it's a nice ass," Jordan said a little too loudly. He received a punch on the arm from both girls immediately.

Lily overheard and turned her chin over her shoulder to see who said it, and winked at him. Had she been bold enough, she would've given him a flying kiss.

Several more hallways down, the news of the new Lily Evans had already spread like wildfire and when she turned in a new direction, the students were anxious to see what she actually looked like.

_God Lily, what a fool you are…_her conscience told her. She felt embarrassed she had actually charmed herself to start a revenge on Potter, but what had to be done was going to be done. So with that in mind, she plastered on a bright smile and wagged her behind a little more dramatically than before.

After three more strides of her catwalk, she found herself pinned up against the wall in one of the closets. It was dark, which made Lily even more scared. However, the presence she sensed was angry, not lustful.

"What the hell are you playing at, Evans!" she heard Sirius whisper vehemently.

"Let go of me," she whispered back just as angrily. He did so but continued to glare at her and though it was still pitch black, she could feel the coldness in his eyes.

"What are you playing at!" he demanded again.

"You should know—" she started, but she shut up sensing that she shouldn't let Sirius know her plan for revenge.

"Know…? Lily! If you put yourself out there looking like that, you might as well accept what Dad did to you," he said bitterly.

Blindly, she swung at him and apparently got somewhere around his face when she her a smack.

"I didn't ask for that, Sirius!" Lily said darkly.

"So why are you asking for it now!" he countered, "Lily, you're acting like a slut! God knows the things that happened to you when you didn't want this kind of attention—and now…"

"I don't want everyone's attention. I just need one." Lily's green eyes sparkled dangerously.

"What—" Sirius took one look into those glowing eyes now that his had adjusted to the lack of light and he saw pure mischief.

"Stop acting like my great protector. You've been gone for six years of my life. You don't have the right to tell me what's right and what's wrong you hypocrite!" she turned the subject on him.

"Hypocrite!" he repeated, obviously stunned. She rolled her eyes.

"You're going to stand there and tell me that I look and act like a whore practically begging for attention and you put yourself out there everyday and actually take girls to bed! Tell me you're not a hypocrite!" Lily demanded.

"I'm not a hypocrite!" he shouted back. If there was one thing that pushed Sirius' buttons, it was being called a liar when he was telling the bold truth. Ironically, it often occurred in situations dealing with Lily.

"Prove it!" Lily said and before Sirius could react she muttered, "Pinocchio!"

"What did you do!" he didn't feel anything.

"Tell me a lie," she said.

"Why?" he raised an eyebrow, afraid of what would happen.

"Do you want to know what I did, or would you rather be stuck with this ridiculous curse for the rest of the day?"

"What should I tell you?"

"Have you ever loved a girl you've romanced?" Lily was interested. It seemed like a good question to ask since he was rumored to be a rake.

"No!" Sirius said quickly, and he felt his nose grow an inch, "NO! YOU DIDN'T! Lily take it off!" She laughed and shook her head.

"Not until I find out what I need," Lily twirled a lock of shining hair around her finger in thought, "Hmm, so you have fallen in love? Who was it?"

Sirius looked up at her, "It only grows if I answer to yes or no questions! So even if I lie—"

"Oh sweet brother, this isn't the normal Pinocchio you find in fairytale books. This is my own version. Now. Who was it?"

"Gretl," he nose grew another inch, "Sophie!" It stayed, and Sirius sighed. Lily had caught him and now he was a dog on a leash.

"You see how this works, Sirius?" Lily asked him, "Now, prove you aren't a hypocrite. Have you ever had sex with anyone?"

"NO." Nothing happened. Lily was sure something would. She stared at him after a few seconds and 'hmm'ed.

"I wouldn't have thought you to be a virgin with the kind of reputation you are rumored to have," Lily examined her stepbrother closely.

"I have a reputation? Fancy that. Now, take it off. You know the truth," Sirius wanted it off for more than that reason. He feared she would figure out she could find out about James with this spell and he wanted it off before he exposed his best friend's secrets unwillingly.

"Not quite," Lily shook her finger at him, "Don't think me to be some stupid girl, Sirius. I have plenty more questions to ask you before we end this conversation."

"You're going to make us late for class," Sirius pointed out. She was never late to class. In fact, she was in her classroom before anyone else, no matter how far away it was from her other ones.

"I can risk it. This is far more important," Lily looked down at Sirius who had collapsed on a stool in exhaustion…no it wasn't that. Well, it was something that made him collapse.

"I want to talk…" she continued.

_Not about James, please, not about James!_ Sirius prayed feverishly.

"…about us. About what happened that day..." Lily finished.

Sirius looked up at her completely startled. He hadn't even thought of the fact that she might bring up their past. He didn't want her to, and he didn't think that she wanted to bring it up either. He eyed her curiously. What could she possibly ask him. He told the truth, they didn't believe him, she didn't stick up for him and he was therefore banished.

_It would serve her right if James hurt her_, he thought bitterly and then quickly dismissed the thought. He would never wish ill on Lily, no matter how much she made him suffer. In truth, he actually adored her as if she was his real little sister.

"What're you thinking?" Lily prodded seeing that his eyes had drifted farther than she could reach.

"I was wondering why you wanted to talk about…it…" Sirius broke off his sentence. He couldn't even bring himself to say 'rape' in her presence. It was so wrong. His father was so wrong, such a bastard.

"Do you hate me Sirius?" Lily kneeled before him and placed her hands on his. She let her guard down and he had realized that he could hurt her just as she had betrayed him six years ago, but the innocence in her eyes broke him.

"Truthfully, Lily, you are my little sister no matter what happens. I could never hate you. And if I ever did, it was because I hated myself. I don't know why, but I'm always looking out for you. Even in the past six years when you didn't think I cared a damn about you, I have been. Actually I'm on Malfoy's case right now—I saw you two in the library. By the way, I have your Divinations book," he smiled.

She laughed.

"Amos and I haven't studied Divinations…" Lily caught her breath—Amos? Or James? "Well, we just stopped studying it all of a sudden, I don't remember why. We stopped Astrology, too come to think of it."

"Because he took you to the tower and showed you what heaven really meant?" Sirius responded coyly.

"Ye—SIRIUS!" Lily turned accusing eyes at him and leapt off the floor, "have you been spying on me!?"

"No," Sirius' nose stayed the same.

Then Lily remembered Amos had been James in the tower. James who was suppose to be himself today—and she hadn't seen him at all. James…James…UGH! How she hated him and all the same cared about him! What a disgusting feeling.

"We're drifting subjects," Lily reminded herself of her point in talking with Sirius.

"We are," he repeated.

"Why did you tell? Why couldn't you just let me suffer—" Lily's sentence was cut off when Sirius grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

"ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU'RE MY BABY SISTER LILY! I am not so ungentlemanly that I would allow my dad to harass you! It's incestuous! Plus I was fond of you and your mother. It finally broke our family's obsession with pure blood and blah blah. I would let you risk your mother's life by telling anyone, so I told. It seemed logical since there was no threat to me if I told. But of course, Dad always finds a way to shield his humiliation and blame someone else," Sirius look at Lily who's eyes were brimming with tears.

"You know, I'm not that much younger than you," she tried to joke.

"Why didn't you back me up, Lily? Why did you let them kick me out?" Sirius asked her and offered her a tissue from his pocket.

She sighed. She wanted to protect Sirius from harm from her stepfather, so naturally she did everything she could not to anger him any further. Before her real father's death, Lily promised to take care of the people she loved since she hadn't spent much time with her father and it was too late. She swore to protect her mother and Sirius, who was close to her age so they connected quickly.

"He could have murdered you and Mum. I couldn't let it happen," Lily looked at Sirius, "I'm not the only one who needs protecting, you know? You leaving was probably best for your health seeing as Dad would have found a more violent way to be rid of you."

"Lucky me I found the Potters," he stuck in.

"Yes, you found the…" Lily quieted for a moment, "Sirius I just want you to know that I understand if you hated me since I let that happen to you. But Dad and Mum are dead now, and it's been hell having to deal with it alone."

Sirius immediately understood. Though his father was a bastard for having done something so wicked to Lily, before that he was well loved. It was difficult having known that the only who could possibly understand and share your pain was at the moment an enemy. He was glad they had this conversation, even if it was in a closet, it was much needed. Sensing a need for comfort, he hugged his sister, swore to make up for lost time, and then demanded that she take the curse off of him.

Again, she laughed and obliged. Then he demanded that he take her charm off and return to normal.

She shook her head.

"I've got a job to do," Lily murmured.

"I refuse to let you out of this closet until you take it off!" Sirius warned as he blocked the doorway.

"Fine," she smiled and then…

_Pop!_

Damn her for learning to Apparate on her own!


	11. The Many Wiles of Women

**DEAR REVIEWERS: Thank you so much for your support. Yes, I know you can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds, but it's explained in this chapter. I hope you enjoy this and remember to keep reviewing! It always helps my write faster! --MoaninMyrtle410**

Chapter 11: The Many Wiles of Women

When Sirius had left the closet, Lily laughed as she undid her temporary invisibility spell. She had thrown in the _Pop_ sound so Sirius would think she had Apparated, which was obviously impossible on Hogwarts grounds. Gathering her breath, she smiled as she turned the knob. He was only a few feet away and apparently confused.

He nearly yelped when she caught up to him.

"You should know not to keep me in a closet!" she teased, and then walked briskly to her classroom.

Advanced Potions. James sat three desks behind her and one to the left. Immediately, her eyes flew to his desk when she walked into the room.

It was empty.

_What?_

By instinct, she looked at Amos' desk. He was there, but was that really Amos or was that James? She scrunched her eyes together in thought.

"Ms. Evans, how nice of you to join us. Please take your seat," Professor Arcsine said in a less than impressed voice.

In hearing her name, James turned around and almost died not breathing and he swore his heart stopped. She was completely transformed! She went from innocent virgin to vixen within a night and he felt ashamed to look at her.

"Lil-lay," Lucius catcalled. He beamed knowing that her seat was next to his.

"Hot mama!" Brendan called softly, giving her a bold wink.

Since Brendan was sitting next to him, it took James a universal amount of self-control not to reach over and snap his neck, back and legs with one swift motion. James looked down at his fist, which was shaking with self-restraint. Instead, he resorted to glaring intensely and emitting a low growl. It was rude to talk to Lily that way, even if she did tweak her appearance a little.

A _lot_.

_Focus Potter, you have to tell her today. Tell her everything—tell her the truth._

He glanced up to steal a peek at Lily, only to find she was staring at him. Instantly, she turned around and he saw her blush.

James got mad. Had she done all this for Amos? All her alterations and the way she was acting? Was she coming on to him? Not _him_ James, but _him_ Amos? He swore himself to hell all over again for kissing her last night and for saving her life! Nevertheless, saving her life was necessary, so kissing her would be a damn good reason to swear himself to hell, and that's just what he did.

-------------------

_That bastard went back to using Amos' body!_ Lily thought furiously. The second she had seen the look he gave her when she walked in, she knew it was James. She should have known it was James the whole time! Curse her for being so blind!

Didn't she see the way he ran his hand through his hair when he was showing off or when he was nervous? Didn't she witness his charm, the only charm James Potter had? Wasn't she affected just as much as the other girls were—the girls she laughed at for being ridiculous? No wonder she had been torn between Amos and James! There were the same person with two different faces! How could she ever talk to him again?

"As we continue our lab on Herbal Remedies, I'd like you to take out your text book and turn to chapter eight. Please proceed to read about the Psylochondrious herb and what it cures. You will have a chapter test at the end of the hour," Professor Arcsine announced.

The whole class groaned and Lily blushed furiously in embarrassment because she knew that her tardiness punished the whole class.

And she had forgotten her textbook in her haste.

"Professor?" Lily raised her hand slowly.

"Yes, Ms. Evans?"

"My book…it's—"

"Not with you. I'm sure you know how to share? Not having your necessities for this class with not exempt you from this test," he said gravely looking at her over his spectacles.

"Yes, sir."

"I expected more from you, Ms. Evans," he muttered disapprovingly as he passed by her.

Lily looked to her right to see if Gringo Daffli would share, but of course, he already finished ten pages of the chapter, having read some of it last night.

_Over- achiever!_ Lily screamed at him in her mind.

With obvious agony, she turned to her left and was disgusted to see Lucius' pale face looking at her expectantly.

"You can share with me, _sweetheart_," he emphasized.

"Shut up," she glared.

He dragged his desk as close as he could to her, scraping it against the floor with as much noise as possible so everyone was forced to look up and watch them.

Lucius couldn't resist but look over his shoulder at Amos who had his head bent over his book, but couldn't hide his anger-flushed face.

At the end of the test, Lily leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. There was no doubt she had failed.

But how was he suppose to concentrate with traitorous James staring at her back, and Lucius Malfoy whispering sexual innuendos as he turned the page brushing up against her hand every time. She shivered and wanted to slap him, but it would draw too much attention to the both of them.

"Evans," James called out.

She snapped out of her thoughts and remembered she was supposed to bring the worst kind of torture to him. As the plan went, she was going to seduce Amos who happened to be James. It would tear James apart because he would think she was coming on to Amos, and yet he would not be able to resist her.

"Call me Lily, Amos. I thought we were over with formality?" she smiled sweetly.

"Yeah. Well, I want to talk to you. About something. About last night," he cursed himself for stumbling over his words and making chopping sentences.

She noticed his hesitation and smiled sympathetically.

"The kiss?" she said softly as she swung her bag over her shoulder and walked out with him.

"Yeah. It wasn't…I didn't…_damn it_. What I'm trying to say is… that… I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" he blurted.

Lily smiled. It took a lot for James Potter to apologize, even through someone else.

"I didn't mean to do it, and I sure as hell didn't want to scare you. But, you…" James stopped if he said anymore he would reveal everything he had worked so hard to keep a secret from her.

_But you want to tell her, you idiot! You want to set things right!_ his mind told him.

"It's fine," Lily said as she flicked her hair over her shoulder, "It felt nice. You were my first, Amos. And I'm glad it was you and not someone like, oh, I don't know, James Potter."

She watched as his eyes widened and his breath hitched, but he covered it up in a cough and ran his hand through his hair uncomfortably.

"There you go comparing me to the notorious James Potter, again," he covered up.

Lily had to give him credit for composure. But she knew she was getting to him. And she would do it slowly, enjoying every moment of watching him crumble.

"Just teasing," she whispered and touched his arm. She felt the muscles in his arm tighten through the Hufflepuff cloak.

_Merlin! She's going to kill me doing that!_ James looked down at her and saw her smiling innocently. _I bet she doesn't even know what she's doing_.

But she did. She slid her hand down his arm and held his hand, pulling him.

"What're you doing!" James whispered. His face was burning with embarrassment being pulled along by a girl like a dog on a leash.

"What's your next class?" she mumbled as they went through a crowd of Ravenclaws and stumbled into the broom closet. She pushed him against the wall and tugged at his necktie.

"Mmm…same as yours," he hardly found his voice, and he couldn't even remember his next class. He had no idea how the hell he had ended up in the broom closet with Lily and why she was making advances on him.

She stood on tiptoe and kissed him softly at first. James was not responding because he was stiff with shock. So, she became more urgent and ran her hands down his chest.

Her touch caused James to groan involuntarily. He unconsciously set his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him, so she was completely against him. Her hands moved up around his shoulders where she linked her arms around his neck. Planting soft kisses along his jaw line until she reached his ear, she ignored the fact that she was actually enjoying this.

Playfully, she nipped it and whispered,

"I need you, Amos. You do things to me I didn't think were possible," she attempted unbutton her own shirt, but his hands seized hers roughly.

Hearing Amos' name woke James up with stark reality. She was after Amos, not him. He would not allow himself to wallow in Lily's passion as someone else. She wanted someone else. She wanted Amos.

What had happened? Last night, she had just confessed her feeling for him—James.

Gripping her hands and pinning her arms at her side, he took a deep look into her bright green eyes and he swore he saw a flash of anger there. But a smile touched her lips.

_What is this!_ His mind was swirling and he hated not being in control.

"We're going to be late for class," he mumbled.

"You don't even know what your next class is, silly," she picked up her cloak that had fallen to the floor.

"I'll figure it out when we get there," he muttered.

As he redid his tie, she watched her, trying to figure out what she was about. How did it come to this? She had altered herself, and thrown him into a closet to snog him…to snog Amos. How could that be when she nearly castrated him when he had asked her to come here three weeks ago? And she had liked him, too! Where were her feelings for Amos coming from?

James turned around to fetch his cloak, which had also dropped to the floor and came face to face with a mirror. He flinched.

Of course, that was it! She did still love him, only she thought she was falling for Amos.

_Damn Sirius and his stupid solutions! They only make more problems!_

When they emerged from the broom closet completely disheveled, they came face to face with Sirius and Remus who had been walking down the hall to get to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Oh shit," Lily said and stepped back a little.

Sirius took one look at Amos/James and understood everything. This was the reason Lily charmed herself and why she refused to take it off. She wanted to get revenge on Potter. Against his will, he was proud of her. She was smart. But Sirius knew that he had to be loyal to James. As James' friend, he was entitled to tell him the truth.

But Lily's pleading eyes behind James' back caused him to extinguish that thought. He would hate to break him new alliance with his sister, especially after they had been bitter enemies for six years.

He couldn't say anything that wouldn't reveal what he knew, so he just shook his head and turned away. Remus, however, had not seen James that day and failed to understand he had taken the potion again. Sirius also had neglected to tell him James was Amos.

Usually, Remus was negotiable, but he marched right up to Amos and stared coldly into his blue eyes.

"If you took advantage of her, I swear I'll kill you," Remus threatened. His two best friends had a deep affection for Lily and if she was hurt in anyway, they were sure to kill Amos as well.

Surprised, Remus watched as Amos' lips hitched in a half-smile and he mouthed, _Moony, it's me_.

Remus shook his head in disapproval and looked down at Lily. She was gripping her books and barely daring to breathe in fear that Remus would yell at her, too.

Instead, he resumed his walk with Sirius.

"Go to class, Lily. You have half a minute," Sirius demanded over his shoulder.

She nodded, though she knew he didn't see it, and walked quickly in the opposite direction.

After a moment, James regained his composure and walked with her into Witchistory and they sat at opposite ends of the classroom.

For once in his life, James was scared of his feelings for a girl. This was _Lily_, and he had wanted her for as long as he could remember, but now she was making moves.

He was thrown into a whirlwind of confusion.

Watching him suffer across the room, Lily patted herself on the back. If she kept it up, he would be destroyed. And who knows how long it would take him to trust another girl. She had control of the situation that could determine his outlook for the rest of his life.

_Serves him right after what he put me through_. She had suffered the same kind of confusion in her feelings for James and Amos. It was unfair of James to take advantage of Amos, and to take advantage of the fact Lily thought she loved him.

_But I still do like Amos_. She forced herself to think. Before she found out what James had done, she had admitted that she liked him. She shook her head in denial. She could not continue that feeling when she was so set on ruining him.

Soon, classes had ended and Lily was grateful. All she wanted to do is go to sleep. The castle had gotten dark. Lily had lost track of time after she came out of the library. Glancing up at the clock, it was already nine. She yawned and made her way to the dormitory. It had took a lot of effort to flirt with James against her will, well somewhat against her will—some of it came naturally.

_NO!_ Lily shouted in her head, _I do not naturally flirt with Potter!_

However, she did not have much time to debate that thought in her head because she was rudely grabbed around the waist, dragged into a dark hallway, and thrown into a corner.

The whole castle was silent and Lily knew that if she screamed, no one could hear her. They were probably all in their rooms. So, she saved her energy and focused on clawing at her abductor.

"Easy, _sweetheart_. I told you one day you'd come around and find out your feelings for me," a sick voice coaxed.

Instantly, Lily felt the color from her face drain. She became limp in fear.

"Malfoy!" she spat.

"I love it when you say my name," he growled.

"What makes you think I changed for you?" she pushed him away as he attempted to disrobe her.

"Oh, playing hard to get?" he laughed.

"Don't touch me!" she slapped his hand when he stroked her cheek.

His hand was cold as ice and Lily admitted she would rather be touched by James right now.

Lucius was strong, despite his lean façade. His pale face and white-blond hair made him look like a ghost and Lily shivered.

She reached for her wand, but Lucius had grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her fist.

"Relax, it won't hurt if you don't struggle," he took her other hand.

"I wouldn't have to struggle if you left me alone!" she said through her teeth.

"You'll feel differently after you figure out what a pleasure it is to be with me," he assured her.

"You hate Muggles," she reminded him as he took off his robe and unbuttoned his shirt.

"I do," he replied as he shrugged off his shirt and exposed his sickly pale chest.

He took her hand and put it against his heart.

"I hate all of them," he quickly dove in to kiss her, but she turned away and he got her cheek.

"Get off of me! Let me go. I'll scream," she warned.

"If you were going to, you'd have done it already. Since you haven't, I see that as an open invitation," he moaned as he tried to find her mouth in the dark.

_To hell with it!_ Lily opened her mouth before he could find it and screamed as loud as she could. She crouched down against the wall, and screamed and screamed until Lucius smacked her.

She put a hand up to her stinging cheek and screamed even harder as he turned her over on the floor. He was above her now and there was lust in his eyes…

--------------------------

Above the dark hallway was the Gryffindor Dormitories and Sirius heard a faint scream. His ears were so good in fact, that he knew the screaming was coming from directly below them.

Troubled, he put his quill down on top of his parchment.

"Prongs," Sirius called to James who was scribbling furiously.

"What?" he asked not looking up.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That screaming. It's from downstairs," Sirius looked at James who shrugged carelessly.

"I don't hear anything."

"What's directly below our dorm?"

"Beats me, Sirius!" James said aggravated.

Again, the screamed came, even louder than before and this time James heard it faintly. He lifted his head, startled and exchanged a glance with Sirius.

It only took them half a second to get out of their chairs and sprint downstairs. It was a girl who was screaming and as Sirius got closer to the screaming, he recognized it and nearly collapsed in worry.

"Lily!" he choked.

James heard him and looked over at Sirius. There was pain in his eyes, which suddenly turned to murderous anger. He had picked up significant speed and James followed behind him.

"Where is she!" James asked him.

"Where is the hall under our dorm?"

"I—I—I don't know!" James stammered.

"_DAMN IT_ POTTER! What's the point in being Head Boy if you don't know where anything is!" Sirius swore viciously and transformed into his Animagus. James considered doing the same, but a stag wouldn't do anything to improve this situation.

------------------

"GET OFF ME!" Lily screamed again. Malfoy had managed to pull his trousers down while pinning her wrists above her head with one hand.

"Don't make me hurt you, Mudblood," Lucius dipped his head to her breast and she tried kicking, but his weight was too heavy for her.

"Get OFF!" she felt like her lungs were going to collapse.

Suddenly the weight was gone and Lily scrambled against the wall and tucked her knees to her chest, whimpering.

She buried her head against her arms and heard fist-to-face contact. She looked up and saw Sirius grabbing Malfoy by the shoulders, pulling him up only to knock him down harder every time. She swore she saw his eyes blaze red.

"How do you like it bastard!" he yelled at Malfoy while he was on the ground, "How do you like getting hurt!"

"Grroff me—" Malfoy mumbled as Sirius lifted him up with one hand.

Sirius hurled another punch against his right eye, which was already swollen.

"You like taking advantage of girls?" Lucius fell, and Sirius dug his shoe into Lucius' crotch. He screamed so horribly that Lily shut her eyes and covered her ears.

"Touch my sister again and I'll kill you! No—better, I'll cut of you dick and feed it to Mrs. Norris!"

The beating continued and Lily shivered as Sirius grunted from exertion and Malfoy groaned in pain, no longer able to say anything.

At that moment, she felt warm hands on her shoulders and she opened her eyes.

"You okay?" James watched as her eyes watered and she immediately flung herself into the safety of his arms.

Clutching him tightly, she sobbed and he tried to comfort her by rubbing her back, but she flinched. He pulled her up to stand and kept his hands on her shoulders so she could balance. He turned her around and saw the back of her shirt was frayed from the friction of the hallway carpet.

"May I?" he asked. She nodded.

He took a look at her skin and found carpet burns. There no doubt she had tried to scoot away from him while she was on her back and the burns made it obvious she struggled hard.

"That bitch!" James swore as he gather Lily in his arms and hugged her, placing comforting kisses on top of her head and telling her he would take care of it.

Mindless of anything else, even her revenge, she held herself to him as if he were an anchor of safety amidst the chaos.

"Stay here," he demanded.

Lily watched as he walked over to Sirius who had lifted Malfoy up again. Whatever James had said, caused Sirius to dump Malfoy on the ground and make his was over to her.

"Is it true?" he asked as he hugged her and the pulled her away at arms length to look at her, "Are you hurt?"

Lily didn't answer and stared at the floor. She knew that if she admitted her burns, Sirius would eventually kill Lucius and she didn't want Sirius to do such things.

"I did it myself trying to get away," Lily answered carefully.

"I'm going to _kill him_," Sirius promised.

"No. Don't."

"What? Lily! Listen to me, you shouldn't have to go through this! Once was already too much. Twice is uncalled for. I will not sit and wait for the third!" Sirius shook her slightly.

"You won't have to, Amos has him," Lily stared over Sirius' shoulder where James had pinned Lucius against the wall by the throat. Lucius was gasping for breath, making gurgling noises.

"Put him down," Lily called out.

Obligingly, James punched Malfoy one last time before letting him fall to the ground. He turned Lucius over with his foot and look at him with cold eyes.

"You think one indecent thing about her, you look at her, you touch her—I will make it my personal goal to torture you every day of your miserable life. Do you understand?" James growled.

Malfoy nodded weakly turning over on his side and moaning. Sirius picked up the Slytherin cloak discarded on the floor and chucked it at the writhing figure on the ground as if it were contaminated.

"Let's go," he led Lily by the elbow and James walked on the other side of her.


	12. One Last Chance

**WOW! You guys are so great! Thanks for the feed back! It's really making me write faster! I'm so glad you're enjoying. Remember, you can always tell me if I'm doing something wrong, or something you don't like. Other than that, keep it up! I love you guys! –MoaninMyrtle410**

Chapter 12: One Last Chance

Though she felt composed after leaving the scene with Sirius' hand at her elbow and James next to her, she started shivering and felt short of breath. She broke off Sirius hold and stood as still as she could as sobs began to break through.

The boys stopped immediately and James stood back while Sirius comforted her.

"Why is it always me?" Lily whispered to him while he rubbed her shoulders.

"You'll be alright, baby. I'm here for you now and I'm not going to leave. I promise," Sirius swore.

Lily hugged him tight. She was glad to have someone, a part of her family, that swore to protect her. She had missed Sirius in his absence, but as he promised, he was making up for lost time.

"I'll be here, too," James said in a soft voice.

Lily had almost forgotten he was there. He was so quiet. Maybe it was the shock of seeing her in that state, or maybe he just didn't know what to say. What could you say in situations like this?

"Thank you, Amos."

James flinched a little.

"I want to go to my room," Lily said to Sirius.

"Yeah, of course. You want me to take you?"

"No…I want Amos to take me. I'll be fine. I just need to talk to him about something," Lily cast her eyes to the floor so Sirius would read her thoughts.

But he already knew.

Giving James a warning glance, he hugged Lily one last time and then walked off slowly. He turned around once, shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets.

James looked at Lily. Her eyes were still on the floor and she wrung her hands nervously. Unable to control himself, he walked to her and took her hands in his. They went limp.

"I'm sorry I put you through this, you shouldn't have gotten involved," Lily said. However, for some reason, she felt like she was speaking to James when she wasn't look at him.

"If I didn't get involved, you would have deprived me of one more reason to want to kill Malfoy," he said. She smiled at that.

"And," he added, "You would be crying on Sirius, rather than on me. I don't think I could be dismissed so easily."

Laughter held in her eyes and she laughed softly. She turned her eyes up to him, half expecting to see James' face, but was appallingly disappointed (for once) to see Amos smiling at her. She took a deep breath and crossed her arms to stop shivering.

_When was he going to confess? Does he even plan to? Even now, when I need him the most? You would think guys would be smart enough to…courteous enough to let a girl know who is comforting her! Come on, James. Show yourself before I force you to!_ She begged.

He put his hand at the small of her back and guided her to her room. The whole walk was uncomfortably silent and Lily had been praying the potion would wear off right in front of her so she could finally see James. It had been so long, and he was right there with his hand at her back.

"Lock the door, Lil," he murmured against her ear when he hugged her. He pulled back and walked towards the hall.

"Wait!" Lily called out.

He turned to look at her. Suddenly, he felt like a fool for thinking he should leave her after all that had happened. Of course she didn't want to be alone! But it wasn't safe for him to be with her alone. He couldn't think of anything but one way to pass the time, and obviously, she would hate him for it.

"Please. Will you stay?" The words coming out of Lily's mouth were forced. She didn't want him to stay. She wanted him to go far away from her, where she couldn't hurt him.

_Go James, don't be stupid. _

Lily was doing battle with herself. Her mouth was moving of its own accord, pleading with him to stay. She wanted revenge didn't she? Tonight was perfect. He was sensitive to her vulnerability.

Yet, she didn't want to hurt him at the same time. Sure, it would be deserved revenge, but she didn't have to do it this way. It didn't have to be tonight. She could think of a different form of revenge, something that wouldn't scar him for life, but would bring him temporary pain.

James watched her mouth ask him to stay and her eyes pleading with his. Did she know what she was asking? Did she want him to stay or leave, because it was apparent her mouth and eyes were saying two different things!

"Are you sure you want me to stay?" he watched her eyes this time. They also told what someone really felt.

_God!_ She thought as she wrung her hands. _James! Tell me who you are already!_

She cleared her throat and nodded.

The next few moments were a blur, because it all happened so fast. He had said something, but she didn't hear it as he came to her door and locked it behind them.

When they finally settled and Lily didn't feel as if she was spinning, she realized James had tucked a blanket around them and he held her in front of the fireplace.

How she ended up against his chest, she didn't even know, but he was so warm that she snuggled closer. Though, she wasn't half as comfortable as she thought she would be because Amos had a bony chest and bony shoulders. It hurt to lean against him too much.

After she had allowed her nerves to calm and feel sated by the warm of the fire, blanket, and Amos/James, she found her voice.

"How did you find me?" she asked him without looking at him. She found that she liked it better when she didn't have to look at him. Instead, she closed her eyes and imagined James.

_Damn it, Lily! He's here now. He's put you through so much pain! Now is the perfect time to take advantage. Don't give in—fight your feelings and ruin him. He deserves it after he humiliated you like that!_

She opened her eyes and stared at the fire. Now was the perfect time. She could break his spirit now.

"Sirius and I heard you screaming from upstairs."

"How? The Gryffindor Dorms are up there. Why were you there past 9?" she looked at him, forcing him to look at her face and lie.

But he didn't. He looked away.

"I needed to grab a book I left there when he cut my hair. I didn't need it until tonight. Homework isn't usually assigned out of the book for Professor Ingle."

Lily looked back at the fire and thought hard.

_Do it now, Lily!_

_NO! Let him go. Do it some other time._

_Don't be ridiculous—he asked for this!!_

Battling with herself caused Lily to sigh.

"You okay?" he asked.

_NO!_

"Stupid question," he said to himself.

Lily shut her eyes tight and resolved her inner battle with a compromise. She would ask James one last question. She would give him one last chance to show himself.

"I'm just thinking. You know what I said up at the Astronomy Tower how I had been wishing you were James Potter? Well, the truth is…I love him. And I want him to come back from wherever he is because I can't stand it anymore. I—" Lily didn't even get to finish because James had surprised her with a kiss.

Unlike her first kiss which was soft and tentative, this one was a desperate kiss—as if there would be no more after it. It was so full of promise that Lily actually starting to whimper against his lips.

He hadn't answered her! That left her no choice but to…

She gasped as he kissed the pulse on her neck. _Oh my God! Oh my God!_ She was going to lose control! Her heart was hammering against her rib cage, but she felt his doing the same when she placed her hands at his chest.

He returned to her lips and allowed himself to linger there a while before he dove deeper into the recess of her mouth. Tears formed in Lily's eyes as she allowed him to kiss her. After tonight, she knew she would hate herself, but he had left her no choice damn it!

His hands went to rub her back, but he remembered that it had been rubbed raw against the carpet and he didn't want to hurt her. He settled his hands around her neck, brushing her collarbone gently with the pads of this thumbs.

She brought her hands around his shoulders and up his neck until she buried her hands in his hair. It was blond, disappointingly, instead of jet black and Lily couldn't help but wish James would take his own body.

Sensing her hesitation, James pulled away and looked at her, dazed. This wasn't his body and he wasn't comfortable with the feeling he could go farther if he wanted.

"We should stop," if he didn't stop now, he would lose himself and he refused to give in to pleasure tonight. Lily was traumatized and he would not be a rebound for her comfort. He mostly wanted to stop because he was getting frustrated. It was getting harder and harder for him to resist her! He didn't want to be Amos anymore—he should tell her. Now. Now was as good a time as any.

"Lily, we really should stop. I—" but before he could finish, Lily had pulled him back to her. Stopping a breath away from his lips, she told him,

"I will never forgive you if you stop," and became aggressive with her kisses. There was an urgency that neither of them could explain. Forgetting everything he was about to say, he held her fast and started to unbutton her shirt unconsciously. He disregarded who he was at the time and became savage in his need for her. He had waited to long for her to respond to him like this. Swearing he would stop before it got to far, he decided to take what he could tonight and confess to her after.

_Prove your love by doing this. Show her how much you love her._

Lily simply melted as he touched her cheek, her neck and her arms. Her most sensitive spot was at the pulse at the side of her neck, and he knew it. Every time she though he was pulling away, he always came back to kiss her there, though not briefly.

Her shirt had come off, and she didn't know when. But she started unbuttoning his needing to feel his skin.

James groaned as she deliberately took her time.

Then she dipped her hands lower to unzip his trousers.

Alarmed, James stilled her hands.

"No. No, stop, I can't do this!" James breathed backing far away from her.

She looked at him quizzically.

James was afraid of himself for once in his life. He couldn't stop wanting Lily, and it was obvious she wanted him, so why was she willing to go so far with Amos? Once she reached for his pants, he knew he had to stop. He wasn't going to let her lose her virginity with Amos' body. _God, if I can help it, it's going to be me as myself!_ James swore.

"What's wrong?" Lily attempted to come closer, but James stood up and went behind the couch. He ran his hair through his hair and swept them down his face.

_God, I have to tell her. This is killing me!_

"James?" Lily looked up at him.

Unbearable silence passed as he stared at her with his mouth open and his hands clutching into fists.

"—what do you just call me?" he demanded.

Lily's eyes widened. She had called him James. _Oh fuck, Lily! Fuck! Fuck!_

"You _knew_?" It wasn't even a question. It was an accusation. He nailed her down with hard, cold eyes. Unlike his regular warm, hazel ones, Amos' were icy blue and made Lily shiver.

"Yes," she replied in a small voice.

"Since when?"

"Last night."

"You didn't say anything until now?" he gritted through his teeth.

"Neither did you!" she countered, now getting angry. What right did he have to be questioning her when he was the one who deceived her first?

"I tried to win you over!" he explained.

"By using someone else's body? That isn't fair James! You used my feelings for Amos! You took advantage of him! Now he's probably dead on your bed for all I know!" Lily yelled back.

"Is this why you were kissing me? To get revenge? Was that it?" James demanded. He thought she had meant it when she had said she loved him, but it was all lies. It was all part of her plan to ruin him. No matter how real the kisses seemed, they were lies, too. God, he wished they were real. He wished she meant them as much as he wanted her to.

"Of course I wanted revenge! You think you can pull sheets over my eyes, Potter? I should have known it was you from the start, I should have—" Lily held her breath as Amos' face started to bubble, and in a few seconds, he was James.

Lily wanted to cry. He was here now and she _did_ love him, so so much. She didn't realize just how much she had missed seeing him until now. Now that he was right there in front of her, but she couldn't touch him. He had been gone for so long. But after what she had been through, she could never trust him.

"This is _me_, now! Do you still want to kiss me!" he demanded.

"No."

"Why? Because I'm not Amos? All that love talk was a bunch of bullocks wasn't it, Lily! You just wanted me in bed! No—you wanted Amos!" James spat. That realization was too much to bear.

"No! I don't want to kiss you because you're angry with me!" she yelled, "Even though you have no right to be mad at me! You tricked me first, you lousy git! You broke my trust the time you decided to switch bodies with Amos!" _God!_ She wanted to slap him!

"It's not like I had your trust in the first place! You hated me! There was no other way around it! You really think I was going to let you hate me when I liked you so much? Of course I was going to fight to get your heart! I couldn't stand you looking at Amos the way you did! And when I was him, when you looked at _me_ like that—I couldn't get enough. I couldn't just stop!" James confessed, "I was going to tell you tonight!"

"Why didn't you? I gave you an opportunity to reveal yourself, but you didn't take it. You just wanted _me_ in bed! It's all you've ever wanted! You couldn't have me, so this was your idea of winning my heart? Stealing someone else's body and manipulating me? You started the whole deception deal! I was merely punishing you!"

"By forcing me against myself? You know how hard it was for me to pull away, Lily?" he demanded, "If I couldn't pull away, would you have gone farther? Would you have given yourself to Amos?"

"To _you_ as Amos. Never to Amos," she bit her tongue.

"_Damn_ it, Lily!" he wanted to strangle her and leave her to the dogs. That was probably the worst answer!

"It's not like it was easy for me either James! You think I wanted to hurt you?"

"Yes!" he yelled immediately

"Fine! I did want to hurt you—but only for you to understand how much pain you put _me _through! Until you told me who you were, I could never forgive you! Think about how it is going to be for me! Every time I see Amos, I'm going to think of everything we've done together for the past month! It's his face that I've connected with everything that's been happening! It's as if you were never there because I could never see you!" Lily walked around the couch to face him.

"I wanted the worst possible revenge for you! I wanted you to feel tortured knowing you could have me as someone else, but never as yourself! That's what the charm was for, that's why I took you to the closet, and that's why I asked you to stay tonight. You put me through hell, James, when I found out that you were Amos. I had been torn between loving him and you, and it drove me crazy trying to choose. You hadn't been around, and the things Amos...well, you…and I were doing could be called romantic even! You tricked me, betrayed my heart! I wanted you to feel the same," she looked him in the eyes and resisted the temptation kiss away his frown.

"Do you understand why I did it?" Lily asked.

He nodded.

She ventured to ask him one more question.

"Do you still love me, then?"

He stared at her. After a while, he shook his head slowly, but decisively.

She felt like she had been stabbed.

"How could I? I can't trust you," he muttered. He walked past her refusing to look at her with tear falling down her cheeks. If he saw her cry, it would soften him. He could not allow his pride to be stripped away anymore than it had.

Before he reached the door, Lily called out to him. He stopped without turning around.

"Your parents are in the hospital—they're waiting for you," she reminded him. She would allow him to walk out on her, but she would not allow him to walk out on his family. They were hurt and they needed him. God knows, she would have given anything to be with her mother when she had died.

"I don't believe you," he whispered viciously. That was Remus' letter—she didn't know anything.

He closed the door with a dry click and left Lily to sit on the couch alone. She did not cry through the night, but the scene kept replaying in her head. Every time, she had noted that she knew she loved him when he turned into himself again. She recognized his black hair, his hazel eyes…oh, those eyes. She wanted to kiss away the stern line of his mouth. He had been so furious with her!

_Why? You're the one who he made a fool of in the first place! You should be the one yelling and closing the door…not him. What did you do to make him so angry? A day of deception? Well! He had a month of that!_

Missing him terribly, though she was still angry at him for being angry with her, she went to his room. Flicking on the light, she walked to his dresser where his pictures were laid out. She picked up her picture and stared at herself. _Where was this?_

Trailing her finger over the frame, she scrunched her eyes in concentration. It was definitely summer.

She noticed that he was in the background, leaning over a railing and looking out into the ocean. _The ocean_…Of course! It had been the vacation to the Americas.

She, Molly, Arthur, The Marauders and a few other Gryffindors had gotten together for a two-week vacation to the Americas. Here, they were in Florida maybe?

Molly was the only one who had been taking pictures in their group, so James must have stolen the picture when Molly had them developed.

She set the frame down. She was too happy in the picture, and James looked so calm behind her. It was quite the opposite now.

She looked down at Amos, who was uncovered by the Invisibility Cloak she had used last night. He was still breathing, though he didn't look like the Amos that James had made him out to be. Lily hooked her arm around Amos' and put him on the floor. She covered him with the Invisibility Cloak she had discarded at the side of James' drawer, and crawled into James' bed. There was a little comfort there.

She never use to care what people thought about her, she never use to care what anyone said about her or behind her back, but tonight was different. Everything James had said stuck with her.

Especially when he shook his head at her.

She pulled his blankets over her shoulder and under her chin. When had he come to affect her so much? She thought she had been doing with without him. At the beginning of the year, she wouldn't have cared if she disappointed him. She would have went out of her way to disappoint him in as many ways as possible.

But revenge didn't feel as good as it should have. Watching him as he controlled his anger and let it pin her down with his eyes was most frightening. She was disappointed in herself for even thinking to hurt him in that way, and now that she had, she couldn't take it back.

Sure, she had good reason to wound his pride, to make him feel a slap on the face for everything that she had been through, but there was something wrong. She should be happy that she had managed to get to him. She should be happy that he was angry at himself and at her. Instead, she felt hollow.

When she finally closed her eyes to sleep, tears she had fought so hard to control snuck from under her eyelids, across her face and onto his pillow.

She had fallen for James Potter, and for once, he didn't want her.


	13. To Trust or Not to Trust

**Dear Readers: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, but school was really crazy for me and I had gone down to Florida for a choir trip! Here's your long awaited chapter, and I hope you enjoy it. Another one will be up soon, I hope! It depends on how many reviews persuade me to write faster: ) love, MoaninMyrtle**

Chapter 13: To Trust, or Not to Trust?

James sagged against the door he had just closed and breathed heavily. He stood there, unable to do anything other than think about what had just occurred.

Then the most horrible thing happened to him, something that hadn't happened since he was in his toddler years.

His eyes clouded with tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.

He wouldn't cry though. He wouldn't allow her to take away anymore of his pride. Crying was for sissies; men who couldn't take the pain. He forced himself to take it, even if he didn't like it.

How could she hurt him like that? He had tried so hard and risked so much just to get her to glance at him. He should have known that the stupid cliché about "too much of a good thing being bad for you" would actually be true. He took advantage of his time with her. He should have tried harder to make her see his motives. He should have done it as himself.

But, damn it, she made it so difficult for him to act as someone else when all he wanted to do was take her up into his own arms.

Didn't she realize that everything he did was for her? Just so he could get a shot with her? Why couldn't she see that he would have given up everything to be with her? As stupid as it sounds, it was true.

But, no. She obviously just wanted him to crumble; she wanted to ruin him. She wanted to make him feel so disillusioned by his "romantic" attempts to win her over that he would never trust or love ever again.

That's exactly what she got.

James had thought he was doing well with her. He had gotten her to talk about him after all. He made her see that she really did like him. But now that she liked him, she had made it so that he couldn't even trust her anymore.

What kind of relationship is that, one without trust? Love without trust…_is that possible?_ James asked himself.

He wished he had a love like his parents had. They grew old together and never stopped loving each other, not once. Every time he glanced at them, they were so happy to be together. Nothing could tear them apart. Even at their age, they still flirted and showed affection for each other. He wanted a love like that.

After a long time, he pushed himself off the door and shoved his hands into his pockets. He walked down the stairs, and through the hall in silence.

He hated silence. It made him think too much.

Once on his way, he looked at a picture on the wall, and there was his reflection on the frame. _His _reflection. Not Amos. It was awkward. He hadn't been himself for so long, he felt as if he didn't even know who that person was in the reflection.

He dragged his hands through his hair. _Damn girls_. He thought furiously. _Damn them and their bitchy attitudes. Damn them and their mood swings! _He was walking briskly now. _Damn them and their tricks! Damn her for being so smart! Damn her for putting me through hell! _He mumbled the password subconsciously and yanked at the portal door when it creaked open too slowly for him. _DAMN HER FOR EVERYTHING!_

"So? How'd it go?"

James had walked right passed Sirius, hardly even noticing there was another person even in the room.

"What are you doing up?" James growled.

He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be able to bitch about Lily in his mind without having her overprotective stepbrother interrogating him! Even more so when it was his best mate.

"It went that well, eh?" Sirius smiled, but James was on the verge of exploding. It was no time for sarcasm. There was no room to joke. He could tell James had been truly hurt. Anyone could tell. How couldn't you tell?

The boy was a total wreck! His eyes were staring wildly at nothing, but searching for something at the same time. His hands constantly ran through his hair, barely giving it time to settle before his ruffled it again. He sighed every other five seconds.

But what gave it away was his posture. He was caved in, as if he was protecting his center, his heart, from anything else. He slumped as if he was defeated in a constant three-day battle.

"You want to talk?" Sirius asked after a while.

"No."

"Okay."

Silence.

"She's just such a bitch!" James exploded suddenly. Sirius knew James wouldn't be able to hold it in long, so he waited until James vented all his frustration.

"How could she do that!" he said more to himself. Of course, he'd had this whole conversation in his head already, but hearing himself say it out loud would help. The words would get out of his head and stop making his head throb.

"She knew! She knew and she didn't say anything! I could have lost control tonight, and she would have went along with it! That bitch!" James gripped the arms of the couch as if he were going to rip it apart.

Sirius bit his tongue. He didn't say anything.

The room was quiet. James didn't like it. Surely Sirius would not allow James to sit there are call his sister a bitch? There was something wrong. Sirius would have said something by now. But, when James looked at him, it only took a few seconds to read his face.

Sirius looked at James, truly captivated by those quick-analyzing eyes. They could read through anything! It was a wonder why James didn't see what Lily was up to.

But James didn't make that mistake twice.

"_YOU KNEW, TOO!_" he boomed, positively bolting up from his chair.

"Keep it down, Prongs! People are sleeping!" Sirius tried to quiet him.

"_I don't give a damn!_" James growled through his teeth.

Here was Sirius. His best friend. His confidant.

Lily's stepbrother.

Why didn't Sirius tell him about Lily's plan? That's the sort of thing a best mate would do. They were suppose to trust each other!

_TRUST! Hah! That seems to be the theme of the day, doesn't it?_ James wanted to physically take the word "trust" and shove it up someone's ass. It had no meaning in his life, not now. It probably wouldn't ever again! Who could he trust if not his best friend, or the person he loved?

"How long did you know about her smart little plan to ruin me?" He mocked.

"Don't put this down on me like I was part of it, Potter!" Sirius stood up.

If James wanted to fight, fine. If James wanted to be a jackass and a prove himself to be plain stupid, he would dare raise a fist to his friend without knowing why. James wouldn't do that normally, but when James was angry, there was no limit to him power. Sirius was ready. But the blow never came.

" I can just see it now! You and Lily whispering to each other, giddy with your newfound friendship! And what with your new alliance? You tell her my secret! That's it. You probably told her everything because you wanted her to like you! Telling her my secrets would make you two all buddy-buddy, is that it? Did you sell me out for someone who walked out on you when you defended her?" James was now arms length away from Sirius, his voice thick with challenge. Sirius had betrayed him, he was sure of it. How else would he have known!

But James was blind. Sirius shook his head. If James kept drawing conclusions like this, especially disrespectful and irrational ones, Sirius was going to throw the punch to make him sorry for it.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I can't believe you sold me out!" James kept on, without hearing Sirius, "After what I did for you, this is what I get?"

James didn't mean to come out like that. Immediately, he shut his mouth and stared at Sirius who had flinched as if he was hurt. James wished he could take it back, but nothing he could think of would make it better.

"If I'd known you wanted me to pay you back for keeping me off the streets—supposedly out of the goodness of your bloody heart—I'd have told you to _go to hell_ and let me go my own way. I could have made it alone. I don't need anyone," Sirius said through gritted teeth.

James was being a prick! He hadn't done anything to James, if anything he thought he had helped James. All this misplaced anger was really getting out of hand.

"But you knew. You never told me," James glared.

"I never told you because I thought she was being smart! What do you expect James? I would have gotten you back, too if you tried to trick me like that!" Sirius sat back down warily.

"It was your idea in the first place!" James yelled, completely frustrated.

"I _told _you to stop! I knew it was getting out of hand! Look where it's gotten all of us!" Sirius put his forearms on his thighs and looked down at the carpet.

"You should have told me. That's what friends do!" James paced through the room.

This is all too much. He had been betrayed twice in one night! How much was he expected to take? How could his life get any worse?

"Look, I—" Sirius tried to explain.

"Shut up!" James cut him off immediately.

He didn't want to hear anyone talk. He didn't want to be near anyone. He just wanted to think by himself, away from anyone who would hurt him again. He felt vulnerable and he hated it. Absolutely hated it.

Sirius understood and attempted to leave.

"I bet she just used you to get to me," James muttered.

Sirius flared up at that. He'd had enough and no one should talk about his sister like that. There was only so much he could tolerate from James when he was angry.

In three strides, Sirius had picked up James by his collar and threw a sound punch at his left eye, but James didn't fall back.

"What the hell!" he advanced on Sirius.

"Shut up, Potter! That's enough out of you!"

"You're such a little bitch, Sirius!" James shoved Sirius out of anger.

Then Sirius swept his leg behind James' knee and James fell to the ground with Sirius hitting him. James fought back, but a sound at the door stopped them both for a split-second.

"What the hell is going on!" Remus boomed from the boys' rooms.

He ran down the stairs and tried to pry Sirius off James, but he was too strong.

"Stop you're bitch slapping! I swear you act like girls!" Remus shouted trying to get between James and Sirius who were both panting from exertion.

"What's the matter with you two!" Remus shoved them both, "We've never hit each other since the day we met! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Potter's being a pansy!" Sirius said.

"Shut up! You think you're special 'cuz you're Lily's little bitch now?" James scoffed.

"What!"

"That's _enough_," Remus said in a commanding tone. He was not one to be heated, but he was fed up with all this childishness. They had been friends for what seemed like forever and they were fighting for pride. If there was one thing Remus couldn't stand, was a cocky man.

He was just about to threaten James by telling on him, but that threat carried out even before it was issued.

The door burst open and slammed against the sidewall, which made James, Sirius and Remus jump a little.

A very angry McGonagall was standing next to Dumbledore with her wand ready and her other hand on her hips. Dumbledore, on the other hand, was quite serene as always.

"Mr. Potter, how lovely to see you," Dumbledore smiled sweetly.

"Lovely? Lovely!" McGonagall shrieked at Dumbledore, "Oh, how I'd like to ring your neck from frustration, Mr. Potter! Where have you been!" McGonagall demanded.

"Floo system threw me off. I just found my way back, Professor," James looked at the floor.

"Oh? And you felt the necessity to start a brawl with your best friend upon your return? Is that a custom for you, Mr. Potter? I sincerely hope not for the your sake and the sake of our school. Mr. Potter, please come with me." McGonagall signaled to him with her hands and walked out of the Boys' Dormitory.

"Perhaps you boys should stay here," Dumbledore advised Remus and Sirius who gaped at the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall.

"Boys?" Dumbledore said once more to catch their attention.

"Mmm?" Remus grunted.

"We're taking Mr. Potter away for the evening. Please return to your beds."

They did so once they were certain that James was being carried away by McGonagall and Dumbledore, and not some Voldemort impersonators.

Once in Dumbledore's office, James felt very nervous. He knew there was something wrong by the way McGonagall was pacing around the room in front of him. Even Dumbledore seemed to lose some of his serene aura, though his face never showed it.

"Professor?" James asked quietly.

McGonagall stopped sharply and stared at him. In a few moments her eyes were glazed with unshed tears.

"You're mother and father…" she started and choked on a single sob.

"What?" James stood.

"They're in the hospital," she said slowly.

"No they aren't. Remus wrote that letter, Professor," James lowered his head in shame, "I've been here the whole time as Amos Diggory because of a selfish plan. Don't worry, Amos is safe, but I just wanted to tell you the truth before I started making up another lie."

"James," McGonagall had used his first name for the first time in 6 years and he looked up knowing that whatever she said would be important.

"I don't care where you've been. What matters now is that you understand that they are in the hospital. They need you. Remus didn't send all these letters," McGonagall pulled the letters out of Dumbledore's drawer.

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore spoke softly, "You need to see them now. We're going to send you to St. Peter's Hospital in the Muggle World."

"The Muggle World? What are they doing in the Muggle World?" James asked stupidly. Everything that he was hearing seemed to be so surreal.

"The car accident happened in the Muggle World and it was an emergency. There was no way, they could have used their magic to get back here in time. The doctors are pretty good down there, but I don't think they are good enough to save your parents."

"What…" James said softly. Was he really going to lose his parents? The core of his being? He loved them so much and if he lost both of them at the same time, he knew that he would never know happiness again.

"Are they dying?" James whispered. McGonagall walked over to him and unexpectedly took him into an embrace. He had never been hugged like that, except from his parents. He didn't like it. If she kept hugging him like that, he was sure to start crying. There was too much emotional locked up in this one day. Why was everything happening now? Was he really meant to lose his first love, his best mate and his parents in one day? He gently stepped back and turned to face the door.

"I'll get my things, and I'll be back," he said to them without looking and walked slowly out of the office.

Once outside the door he allowed his heart to beat furiously in fear. He practically ran back to the dorm and summoned his things with a flick of his wand. Remus and Sirius were in bed, but they were obviously awake.

The flying suitcase had knocked Sirius in the head when he sat up in his bed.

"Damnit, Prongs!" Sirius muttered.

"Where're you going?" Remus called out.

James was about to leave the dorm, but he dropped his things on the floor and collapsed on the couch with his face in his hands.

Remus got out of bed to go over to him. Sirius hesitated for a few moments then decided to get up as well.

"Bloody emotional git," he muttered.

When both of the boys had joined up with James, he looked at Remus with dead eyes.

"What was in the letters you sent?"

"Letters? I only sent one," Remus said remembering a few weeks back to the day they had hatched this terrible plan.

"What did it _say_!" James demanded irritably.

"I said your mum was sick and she needed you to take care of her!" Remus said defensively. After all, that was what James had asked him to write.

"So you didn't write about my parents being in the hospital?"

"No."

"You didn't write that they were in a car accident?"

"James, what are you trying to say?"

"They're _dying_, Remus! That's what I'm trying to say! And it's all my fault!" James ran his hands through his hair.

"Dying…" Sirius whispered. The Potters had been parents to him for the longest time and he could not imagine the pain James would go through to lose them. They were the most wonderful people who were kind enough to take him in.

"Are you going to the hospital?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Now." James stood and picked up his luggage.

"We're going with you," Sirius said.

"No."

"You can't go through this by yourself!" Sirius protested.

But James didn't stay to argue. He left without another word and within a few hours he was at St. Peter's Hospital.


	14. Hell's Gates LETTER TO READERS

**DEAR READERS:** You've all been so patient and I appreciate that so much! I've been so swamped with ACT, PSAE, and AP Exam studying that I've been neglecting my story (Thank you J.R. for getting me on track). I'm sorry for the delay, but I truly hope this chapter will make up for it! Keep reviewing so I know what I need to work on! YOU'RE ALL SO AWESOME! -MoaninMyrtle410

Chapter 14: Hell's Gates

St. Peter's Hospital was busy with nurses paging doctors, and stretchers being rolled across floors by five nurses in a half-jog.

"Excuse me, Sir?" a secretary called from behind the desk. She was balancing the phone between her shoulder and her ear.

James turned around and gave her an apprehensive look.

"You'll have to sign in."

"I'm looking for my parents," James said nervously. The Muggle World always made him nervous. His mother tried to get him accustomed to it, but the only time he actually felt comfortable was when he was with his friends on their vacation to America last summer.

Sirius had been right. He couldn't do this alone, and he sincerely wished that he had someone go with him because this hospital—though he hated to admit it—scared him a little.

"Your parents? Who are your parents? Do you want me to page them? Are you lost?" the secretary asked in one breath.

James stared at her, not even hearing all the words because they came out in such a hurry.

"My parents—Marian and Colin Potter. They're patients. I want to know where I can find them, please," James looked a young lady who had been filing folders behind the secretary. She had abruptly looked up with he said his parents' name.

"The Potters," she whispered to herself. She looked at him hard—black hair, hazel eyes…

"You're James, aren't you?" the nurse asked.

"Yes? How do you know?" James had never seen this person in his life.

"Your mother can't stop talking about you. I'm their nurse, Eliza. Please come with me," she motioned him with her hands.

James took one glance at the secretary who had completely forgotten about him, and he proceeded to follow the nurse.

"How are they?" James asked as they stepped into the elevator.

"I'm not going to lie to you—you're going to be a little shocked when you first see them. But try not to upset your mother, she needs to keep her blood pressure down. If she gets too excited…"

"I understand," James said, "My mum's awake. But what about my dad?"

"He's still in a coma."

"Coma?"

"He hurt his head pretty badly and he lost consciousness. He hasn't been awake since," Hailey gave James a sympathetic look.

"It's been almost two months!" he fairly yelled, "Why aren't you doing anything about it!"

"Please, calm down. St. Peter's has the best medicine and doctors available. If it weren't for us, they'd be gone by now."

James bit his tongue for that one. He should be grateful his parents were still alive instead of bickering.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"That's fine, it's just nerves. You're scared of what you're going to see," Eliza said quite accurately.

The elevator made a _ding_ and the doors opened.

An old lady waiting for the elevator turned around. James stared at her.

"Gram?" James stepped out of the elevator and hugged her gently.

"Wha—oh, get off me!" Adelaide blindly swung her purse at her intruder.

"It's me, Gram! James!" he pulled her out at arms length so she could see him.

For a few seconds Adelaide didn't make a sound, but all of a sudden she burst into tears and grabbed him back into her arms.

"You foolish, _foolish_ boy!" she accused while raining kisses on his cheek, "I looked everywhere for you! _Everywhere!_" she repeated shrilly.

"I'm sorry, Gram. Did you just come from Mum's room?" James looked past her head and down the hallway.

"I'm going to get some coffee. I haven't slept," Adelaide looked weary and leaned heavily against James. He supported her easily, and told the nurse to prepare a cot in his mother's room for his grandma.

"Come here, Gram. You need to sit down. I'll get you some coffee after I visit Mum, okay?" James led her to a row of chairs against the wall.

"Oh, bullocks! You'll be in there all day and night and I'll never get my coffee! You know, it's quite better than tea I should say. I do enjoy this hazelnut cream," she saw him open his mouth to say something, " Oh, hush up and go visit your mother. I can take care of myself," she patted his arm lovingly and he smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"Where's Mum's room?"

"Just go straight. It's the end of the hall," and with that Adelaide went to the elevator.

James was finally here. Everything would be all right now. _James is here_. Adelaide sighed with relief as she watched his back as the doors closed.

Each step brought him closer to his parents until he found himself almost jogging to the end of the hallway. But when he reached the door, he panicked and held the doorframe for balance. His gaze had been on the floor, and he forced himself to raise his eyes.

They grazed over the legs of the bed, the side rails, and finally to his mother. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"Mum," he whispered.

She was obviously in a deep sleep so James quietly walked into the room and put his jacket on the chair at the foot of her bed.

His breathing became shallow as he tried to fight tears. This was his mother, his most adored woman in the world, and she had been hurt for so long while he pranced around trying to get a girl to fall in love with him. He dragged the chair next to her bed and sat.

Gently, he took her hand and kissed it. He reached up and brushed a few strands of loose hair from her face.

"Oh, Mum. I'm so sorry!" he squeezed her hand and kissed her forehead, "I'm so so sorry!"

She stirred a little but did not wake.

James would allow her to sleep. It was important she was well rested and he certainly did not want he heart rate to go up.

Without thinking, he had turned and pulled back the curtain where his father lay as still as death. James gripped the rail of Colin's bed as he stared at the blank face.

"Oh God," he muttered. He had never said a prayer in his life, but now seemed like a good time as any.

_Dear Lord, forgive me for anything I have done to deserve this punishment. They need help. I need help getting through this. I can't do this alone. I can't live alone. Let them live. Let him wake up, I'll do anything. _

"Anything…" he whispered.

"Lily!" Sirius boomed when he entered the Heads Quarters with Remus.

"Lily, get out here!" Remus knocked on her door.

Lily turned on her side and checked the clock—3AM…

Groaning, she turned on her stomach and fell back asleep.

"Lily! Get up!" Remus found a way to unlock Lily's door and peered in through the darkness. He stood over her bed and attempted to shake her. Instead, he hit soft mattress.

"SIRIUS!" Remus cried out the door, "She not in here! She isn't here! Where is she!"

"Stop freaking out," Sirius demanded from the Common Room. "This night is already crazy, damn it."

Sirius stood in one spot and made a circle to view the whole room thinking of all the possible places Lily could be. His eyes fell on James' door. For some reason, he smiled gently.

Knocking softly on the door, he opened it a fraction.

"Come on, we gotta go," he whispered into the darkness.

When he heard her groan, he came inside and dragged a chair next to James' bed. He looked at her while she nestled further into the blankets.

_God, she loves him!_ He thought silently.

"Lily. Get up, Lil. James is going to need you soon."

She stirred at the mention of his name and got enough effort to push herself up into a sitting position.

With sleepy eyes, she looked at him and mumbled miserably,

"He doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I just want to leave him alone."

"No," he scolded, "You have to go whether you like it or not. I know what is best for him even if he can't see it. He's going to need you. And you're going to have to take care of him."

"How can I, Sirius? I can't face him again!" With that she flopped back onto the bed and pulled the covers over her head.

He stood up, scooped her up, sheets and everything, and carried her out the door with impatience. She screamed once, but laughed the rest of the way.

"Let's go Remus. Shut the door."

"Wait! Wait! I thought you didn't want to go, Sirius!" Remus ran after him down the hall.

"Well, he's going to need his Get Well present isn't he?" Sirius nodded to his sister, "Plus I need to see Marian and Colin. I need to."

Remus just nodded, not quite understanding why Sirius would be so angry with James and then all of a sudden turned into Mr. Sensitive. It wasn't like Sirius to show any sort of emotional side. He always thought of Sirius to be a perverted git, but it wasn't so in this case. Sirius cared about James enough to stop fighting and travel to the hospital in Boofu.

"Let me down, I promise I'll walk with you—not away from you! I don't even have my wand!" Lily struggled.

"You won't need one," Sirius grumbled as he set her down.

She stopped and put her hand on her hips with a look on her face.

"What?" Sirius exhaled. God! Too much drama!

She reached over into his cloak and extracted he wand and waved it in his face.

"You won't need this," she mimicked and made it disappear.

"Damn it, Lily! What if something happens, we might need magic!" Sirius said through gritted teeth. He wasn't going to wake the whole school before they snuck out.

"Bullocks. I'm a Muggle. I know what's dangerous," she reminded him.

Remus would have normally been patient with the brother-sister arguing moment, but he was restless and worried.

"Let's go. That's enough," he said with a certain tone that cut off both Lily and Sirius from any further argument.

Unconsciously, Sirius had led them to Rubeus Hagrid's room. Lily tensed. She was quite afraid of the giant because she didn't really know him personally. He was ten times her size and could blow her away with a deep sigh.

_Well, almost_ she thought and then Sirius knocked on the door and she stopped thinking at all. She froze and held the blanket around herself as a sort of shield.

"Whaddya want out there!" came a deep voice.

"Hagrid! Open up. It's Black. We need—"

The door whipped open.

"Black? Whaddyar you doing 'ere mate?"

"We need to borrow a flying animal. You have animals hiding everywhere," Sirius raised an eyebrow when Hagrid gave him a blank expression, "I know you do."

Disgruntled, Hagrid mumbled something like _bloody wizards at three o'clock…crazy…_

But he carried his lantern and beckoned them to follow him to the den. They passed the dark corridors, down the stairs, and finally reached a door with a heavy handle. Hagrid tapped around the door, and it opened.

"Sirius…" Lily gripped his arm.

"It's ok. Don't cut off my circulation, ok?" he smiled and she loosed her grip.

"All right! Ye better watch out fer the darn thing. 'E ain't gotta lick a sense in 'im. 'E'll bump righ' in ta ye! It's too dark in 'ere. Shudda kept 'im outside, but ye know Dumbledore'd throw a fit!" Hagrid laughed a little, but saw that Lily was burying her face in Sirius' arm.

" 'ey there, 'lil Miss Lily. Don't ye be scared now. 'E won't 'urt ya!" Hagrid squatted down to pat Lily's head. She looked up at him with teary eyes and smiled timidly.

"I just don't want to die in a cell…we don't have our wands!"

"Oh shut up already! I told you we're going to be fine!" Sirius scolded.

"Bucker! COME 'ERE YOU LAZY OAF!" Hagrid called.

"Bucker…!" Lily whispered with wide eyes to Sirius. He shook his head to calm her down. It wouldn't be as bad as she thought.

In fact, the bird that showed itself was the most amiable thing. Of course, he trotted and blindly slammed into the wall at first, but after that, he came to Hagrid in tiny squawks.

" 'Ere 'e is. Gentle as ever! 'Ere you go Miss Lily! Go on an' pet 'im a 'lil," Hagrid walked Bucker to Lily. It gently nudged her shoulder and she immediately grabbed Sirius' arm.

"Sissy!" he muttered and took her hand, guiding it down the flying horse's head.

"We have to go!" Remus burst out urgently. All of this meeting the animals crap was all well and sentimental, but James could be emotionally dying while they rubbed horse hair.

"You're right, we have to go. Thanks Hagrid. Sorry to wake you. We'll be back soon, hopefully," Sirius said.

Hagrid walked them all out to the courtyard and watched them sail off with Bucker.

By the time they reach St. Peter's Hospital, it was late in the night.

"The thing is so bloody slow!" Remus whined.

"It's the only thing we had. Did you wanna ride with a stick in your crotch?" Sirius asked.

"What!" Lily threw him an apprehensive glance.

"A broom! A broomstick! Those things are easy for you girls to maneuver, but I'm sorry—it's not so easy for us!" Sirius muttered.

"Easy for James!" Remus laughed.

"That's only cuz—"

"STOP! JUST STOP!" Lily shouted, "I don't want to hear about…_this_…anymore!"

The boys laughed but Lily cut them off.

"Where are we suppose to hide him when we're gone?"

"Shit! I didn't even think about that!" Sirius sighed.

"We have a shed. We can put him in there. I can explain it to Petunia later. I hope she doesn't freak out," Lily shook her head, "Everything is freaky according to her."

"Petunia, ugh," Sirius shuddered.

Remus fell asleep somewhat and his head lolled forward. He didn't get much of a nap though because they had landed in a backyard.

"This it?" Sirius asked while he helped Lily down.

"Yup. Uncle Jack and Aunt Grace. Here, put Bucker in here," Lily pulled the shed door open and shifted a few things around so there was room for the winged horse. There was a lot of room to spare.

"He'll be fine in here. Let's go," Sirius said.

As he was latching the door, Petunia squealed from the patio. She didn't run, but instead she stood with her mouth open and a flashlight.

"Hello Petty," Lily smiled.

"YOU BROUGHT YOUR FREAK FRIENDS OVER HERE?" Petunia screamed.

"We're not staying to contaminate the ground," Lily rolled her eyes.

"What's in the shed? A freak experiment?" Petunia walked over, but stayed away from Remus and Sirius.

"Actually, if you don't want to release a plague on the entire earth, I wouldn't open it. We are doing an experiment at school. Uncle Jack's shed was the only place it could fit," Lily crossed her arms, "Can you tell Uncle Jack and Aunt Grace I came by. But don't open the shed. I promise you'll regret it."

She smiled sweetly and patted Petunia's arm.

Sirius and Remus followed Lily and they took the bus to the hospital.

It was a cold night and the wind blew the clouds away in the sky so that the moon and the stars were clearly seen.

"Damn the moon," Remus muttered.

"I think it's romantic," Lily whispered, "It's so mysterious."

"It's a bitch is what it is!" Remus snapped.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I wish you could appreciate it. The stars are equally magical if it makes you feel any better?" she patted his shoulder.

"Yeah mate, just think. The Big Dipper, Little Dipper…Skinny Dipper," Sirius grinned.

Lily smacked the back of his head.

"Sh!"

After a few minutes, they were standing in front of the door of the hospital.

"You go first," Sirius pushed Lily. She rolled her eyes at him because he was afraid of the revolving door.

When each of them had gone through, Lily went to the desk and asked to see the Potters.

"I'm sorry Miss, but visiting hours are over," came the reply of the secretary with the phone between her shoulder and ear.

"But we've come all this way. And we're very close to them," Lily pleaded.

"I'm sorry, no exceptions unless you are family," she refused to argue further, "Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. There are blankets and pillows in the drawers off to the side if you plan to sleep in the chairs overnight."

"Thank you," Lily replied politely even though all she wanted to do was strangle the woman. They traveled for many hours and the least they could do was see the Potters tonight.

Remus launched himself at the drawers and yanked a blanket and pillow for himself.

"If James comes, wake me up. Otherwise, I'm going to sleep!" He situated himself across one of the empty couches in the back of the room.

"I can't sleep now. Not when we're so close to them," Sirius said. He put his chin in the palm of his hand and waited.

In half an hour, Lily had turned to ask him something, only to find that he had accidentally fallen asleep.

_Damn it!_ Lily looked around and no one else was in the waiting lounge. She stared out the window into the blackness of the night and saw her reflection in the window.

She heard feet shuffling and someone's back at the vending machines. Someone tall, with a physical build, and black hair that was mussed…

She got up slowly and quietly walked over to the vending machines. He hadn't heard her while he leaned down to get his food out of the machine.

She lightly touched his shoulder and his heart slammed against his rib in surprise as he jerked up.

For a while he stared at her as if she was a ghost. Then he began to touch her cheek, her chin, her mouth tentatively.

"God, I'm hallucinating," he muttered.

"No, James. I'm real, it's me," she whispered so as not to startle him.

"I told them not to come here. Why didn't they listen?" he looked at her with empty, hopeless eyes. The vibrant hazel lost its warmth.

"They said you'd need me," she dropped her gaze. She shouldn't have said that. He was mad at her. Why would he need her? He made it clear he didn't even want to see her.

But instead, he grabbed her and held her solidly against him.

"_God_, I do," he onto her as if she was his last shot at life, and she rubbed his back for reassurance.

They stood that way for a long time. He needed to be held, he needed to feel alive, he needed comfort but not pity. In short, he needed Lily, and here she was.

_I need to pray more often_ was all he thought while she held him.

_**LETTER TO READERS:**_ OK, i've been getting a lot of confusion about the Sirius/Lily relationship. I'm going to explain it again. Lily is a Muggle born. Her parents divorced and her mom married Sirius' father. She was gorgeous and Sirius' father was shallow. Obviously Lily's mom was shallow for marrying him, too. Sirius's family is all about pureblood, so it was hard for the family to accept the Evans'. Sirius' father raped Lily. (IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS SUBJECT AND KEEP READING MY FIC BY CHOICE, DON'T BOTHER TO YELL AT ME IN YOUR REVIEWS. IF YOU THINK THE SUBJECT OF RAPE IS CLICHED AND UNREAL, YOU'RE DEAD WRONG. IT HAPPENS. YOU HAVE TO FACE IT. AND I'M SORRY, BUT I ONLY MENTION IT AS BACKGROUND, I DON'T DESCRIBE IT. IT'S NOT THE PLOT OF THE STORY.) Another thing- a fanfiction does not follow the books exactly. That's the whole point of it being a FANFICTION. YOU come up with different things that make it your own story. So sorry if you can't handle the fact I tweaked it a lot, but it's what makes it unique. And the last thing: losing your virginity by force is not the same as losing it by choice. The point where James wants Lily's "virginity" himself instead of Amos means that he still thinks she is innocent, because rape is stealing your virginity, and he wants her to be willing with him. If she had offered herself to Sirius' father (sick!) that would be a whole other story. So I hope that clears everything up. I'm sorry if I came off as mean, but I hate it when people don't know what they're talking about and criticize anyway. If you think the story sucks, why do you continue to read? I can't make everyone happy, but I think most of my readers like my story--so if you have a problem, I'm not redoing my whole story just to fit your ideal standard of storymaking.

As for the rest of you who this message does not apply to, that you for being wonderful and patient. I sincerely appreciate the fact you can handle this drama.

-MoaninMyrtle410


	15. What You Least Expect

Chapter 15: What You Least Expect

The next morning, Lily woke up before anyone else. Remus was contently snuggled in a blanket, sinking into the couch. Sirius, on the other hand, was contently drooling into his palm. She held back a giggle for fear that any sort of noise would wake them from their slumber. She liked it better this way when they weren't bickering or passing sarcastic remarks. They were peaceful.

Basically starving, Lily went over to see if she could get something out of the vending machine, but when she reach down to grab her food, there was another one in there still.

James.

He hadn't eaten anything last night. He had forgotten his food as soon as he had seen her. It was probably the only time he had ever done that. James had always looked after his stomach before anything else, especially girls. It flattered Lily in an odd way.

She grabbed his bag, as well as hers, to make sure he had something in his stomach. It wouldn't do him any good to look fragile and starved when his mother woke up. It would only worry her more.

Lily walked down the hall, looking through every room as she passed because she didn't exactly know which one the Potters were in. As she was looking into one of the rooms, she bumped straight into a doctor, knocking his clipboard from his hand. He was quite young, and quite handsome, she had to admit.

"Oh, jeez! I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" he had his hand at her elbow.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine…" she was muttering while trying to ignore the pain where he was holding. That, would definitely bruise. But when she looked up at him, she managed to forget her pain. He had hazel eyes, too. They were alive and bright even this early in the morning. She hadn't seen such warmth in any pair of eyes since…

"She said she's fine. You can let go now," a sharp voice cut her thoughts.

James was standing behind her. How long had she actually been staring at this doctor? He must think she was a mental patient. But there was James behind her, and he sounded…dare she say, overprotective?

The doctor simply smiled and moved on, without a word.

"That was rude," she spun on him.

"It's early. I'm cranky in the morning, you know this," he muttered.

"I was just going to ask him where the room was. You didn't have to act that way," she scowled.

"Lily. Damn it. It's too early to start arguing with you! And if you were going to ask where the room was, why didn't you ask instead of standing there and making an idiot of yourself with starry eyes?" he shook his head and grumbled to himself walking away from her. She had no choice but to follow him.

"James!" she shouted.

He turned around.

_WHACK!_

The bag of chips he'd gotten from the machine last night hit him in the chest. He stared at it for a moment in his hands as he tried to remember where it came from in the first place. But then…

"What the hell! You couldn't have just handed it to me?"

"I don't want to be near a grumpy old man in the morning. It's contagious." She spat and turned around, walking in the opposite direction.

What happened to the James Potter from last night? Where was the sweet and gentle person that she had fallen in love with? How many personalities can one person go through!

"Lily, stop," he called out to her.

She kept walking.

"Lily, _please_! Look, I'm sorry. I'm just not in a good mood in the morning! I'm not a morning person! You can understand that, can't you? Please, Lily. Don't walk away from me..."

The pleading tone in his voice was tearing her apart. She couldn't refuse him when he begged so earnestly. She stopped and turned to face him.

"I _hate_ it when you do that. Do you know that? I absolutely hate it," she said.

"What did I do?"

"Your split personalities! One minute, I feel safe with you, the next minute I want to kill you! I'm tired of switching gears. Can't you stay in one frame of mind! It's driving me insane!" she was flailing her arms around as she spoke, but once she saw James' taut expression, she immediately stopped with her accusations.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm still tired because I didn't sleep much last night. So, I haven't slept, I haven't eaten…and seeing you…" he stopped and ran his hand through his hair.

"What about me," she urged.

He didn't answer for awhile, but when he looked at her, she saw such hollowness there that his heart was in his eyes.

"I missed you, damn it. That's all. And…" James stopped again to run his hand through his hair. Why was this so hard? He never had speech problems before.

"And, what?" she prodded again.

"Nevermind," he mumbled. But when he saw the look on her face he added, "We'll talk about it later."

She looked at him as if she didn't believe him.

"Tonight. We'll talk tonight."

With this, she was satisfied. She nodded and walked back to the lobby.

However, when she got to the lobby, she found an addition to the group that was

originally there. Remus and Sirius were still sleeping, because it wasn't noon yet, but three more chairs had been filled. Word bile filled Lily's mouth to which she was about to spew, but one of them spoke first.

"How's my Qudditch captain faring?" she asked in a non-concerned manner.

"Diana. _What_ are you doing here?" it came out viciously.

Another voice spoke for her.

"She's here to see James. Is that so hard to believe?" The voice was thick and deep.

Lily shivered. Lucius Malfoy. _The arrogance!_

"And what are _you_ doing here?" she asked, even though she knew perfectly well that he would have found out she would be here. Yet, he had some nerve coming here when the Marauders were within 10 feet…especially with Sirius within 2 feet. If Sirius woke up to this, he would _not _be happy. And _that_ would be an understatement.

"I came here to escort Diana. I have to make sure my family is safe. You see, we have to make sure that the _pure blood _race is protected so that we can start to take over. I'm merely guarding her," Lucius smirked.

"What makes you think that he's going to want to see you? How did you even find out that he was here! You have no idea what's going on! Why don't you just go home. Coming here was a waste of your time," Lily spat. Her hands hand already gone to her hips and she was fuming like a true red head.

"Well, I figured that when James went missing for over a month, I'd do some research. I mean, I can't afford to lose my best customer, can I?" Diana said in a tone that positively inflamed Lily from head to toe. Her cheeks burned from anger and her hands balled into fists.

_Your best customer!_ Lily couldn't even manage to form intelligent speech with all the words she wanted to say running through her mind. Instead, she turned her attention to Lucius.

"If he sees you here, you realize you're going to die?" Lily threatened while motioning towards Sirius.

"He wouldn't dare lay a hand on me or use magic in the Muggle World. Besides—I'm not afraid to kill him," Lucius smirked. It was almost revolting.

"You think that you could kill him? I hope you do know that it's 3 against one if you ever do get the courage to fight. If you mess with one Marauder, you mess with all of them," Lily repeated the words she knew the best in her mind. By themselves, the Marauders were brilliant students in their own right. But together, it was a brotherhood that could not be broken or damage simply because of their combined power and deep friendship.

Lucius simply gave her a look that forebode her destruction. No matter how she tried to ignore it, it disgruntled her a little.

"You could have had any guy you wanted," he started off by saying in a low muttering voice, "BUT YOU RAN TO POTTER!"

"I didn't _run_ to anybody!" Lily said between her teeth. She didn't want to wake up Sirius unless she needed to, and she didn't want to alert James either.

But another sickening feeling came along. Lucius Malfoy, the boy most known for his devotion to the pure blood race, was jealous of James Potter because of a Muggle's love.

"What do you want with me anyway?" Lily couldn't stop herself from asking.

Instantly, Lucius' eyes lit with perverted flame.

"You'd be a slave to my every whim," he said approaching her.

"Oh, _please_, Malfoy. Is that how your father taught you?" a deep voice came from the door. "Sorry to burst your bloated ego, but can you actually be stupid enough to think that anyone _wants_ to sleep with you?"

Diana let out a squeal or delight at seeing James at the frame of the door, Lily simply tried to hold in a giggle from the look on Malfoy's face at hearing those words, and Malfoy himself was rendered speechless (besides the angry glare tossed in James' direction).

"How long have you been standing there?" Lily asked as he came towards them.

"Long enough."

It was a short reply, and Lily could tell that something was wrong. She caught James' eye, and though she thought it was impossible…they seemed even emptier than before when she had seen him not even an hour ago. Something was definitely wrong.

"Why are you here?" he demanded quietly, though the cutting edge of his voice got the point through perfectly fine.

"Me or Diana?" It was a stupid question, but who better to ask it than Malfoy.

"Either one."

"I'm here because I…I missed you," Diana sighed heavily, trying to lure him with her fake tear-filled eyes.

Lily rolled her eyes and folded her arms.

_Does she seriously believe that it's going to work?_

"I'm here because she was going to go alone. Surely, you wouldn't let your family roam in the middle of the night into the Muggle World where _anything could happen to them_," Lucius emphasized.

That is exactly what happened. He was playing on James' guilt, making it seem like it was James' fault his parents were in the hospital and that Lucius was a better person for looking out for his family.

"I give my family some sort of protection…you understand? Protection against the possible dangers of traveling where one should not be going. Perhaps if you were a better son, you would have understood that you had to protect your family. It's one of your duties, by the way…"

However, James didn't seem to hear anything he said.

"I thought I told you… that if you ever laid eyes on her again, that I would personally make it my duty… to kill you," James said with a menacing voice.

"You…you never said that," Lucius squinted his eyes at James as if to figure out what exactly came out of him mouth.

Lily already knew the problem. James was Amos when he and Sirius found her in the hall with Lucius. To Lucius, Amos made that threat…not James.

She tried to give James a warning glance, but he didn't seem to see her.

"If I didn't say it then, I'm saying it now. Stay away from her."

"As you wish, Your Highness," he mocked.

For a moment, Lucius and James seemed to have a glaring match…up until Diana sighed heavily again.

"Oh, James. It just breaks my heart to see you in such torment. I…I just don't know what to do. I'm so alone at the castle knowing you're so far away!" she began her sniffling.

Lily rolled her eyes and had the urge to swing a lead pole into Diana's head.

Much too violent…maybe a gag would do just fine. For now.

"I miss you so much, that I can't stand it sometimes!"

"Shut up." James looked disgusted.

Diana gasped as if she was pierced with a knife.

"B...but…baby…"

"I'm sick of you and your infatuation. I never even did anything to you to make you believe there was something between us. I never liked you! Never! If I ever did like anything about you, it was the fact that you stopped talking to me to take a breath of air before you died! Leave me alone!" James was frustrated beyond belief. Lily had never seen him like this. He never raised his voice in front of a girl, even if the girl was the most annoying prat in the whole universe.

Diana, however, didn't get the message—the complete moron that she was. Instead, she stepped right in front of James and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I know you don't mean that. People say things they don't mean when they're upset. You can talk to me—I promise, I'll be good…" somehow Lily saw Diana manage a twinkle in her eye under the circumstances.

James glared at the hand on his shoulder, and Diana instantly took it off, as if she had been burned.

"Touch me again, and _I_ promise you'll regret it."

Lily instinctively took a step back. This was so unlike him. He was being cruel, and James—under no circumstances—was ever cruel. The tone of his voice made everyone, even Malfoy shiver from its iciness.

"Well!" Diana gasped, completely offended. It was rattling to know that even with her seductive charms, James Potter was unreachable.

Instead of begging for any further attention from James, Diana spun on Lily and gave her a murderous glare.

"How is it, that a filthy, little, mindless MUDBLOOD can get what she wants and not me?" then a faint smile touched her lips, "I'll get what I want in the end. Even if you have to die for it…"

Lily never broke her eye contact. Diana wanted to make her feel threatened, but Lily wanted to laugh in her face.

"I'm not the mindless one. Try to kill me, and you'll end up killing yourself with the things I can do to you."

"Empty promises do no good," Diana snapped and Apparated.

All that was left was Malfoy. He looked at Lily with a furious stare.

"If you hurt her, you'll regret it. No one touches my family," Malfoy knew what Lily was capable of, and he didn't want Diana to end up in ruin—not to mention shaming the whole family line for generations.

"She'll make the call, Malfoy."

Diana _popped_ in again for one last word. But she wasn't going to attack verbally. She carried a knife in one hand and raised it to Lily's throat before she could react.

Lily didn't even have time to gasp before she heard…

_SECTUMSEMPRA!_

Diana screamed and dropped the knife. Her body with slashed deeply and she seemed to be bleeding so badly that in a few seconds, her face was pale.

"POTTER!" Malfoy screamed, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!"

With a few mutters, Malfoy restored Diana. She was breathing harshly and glaring furiously at James and Lily.

"I told you to _stay the hell away._ If you attempt to try it again, I'll make sure Malfoy's not around to save you sorry ass!" James warned dangerously. Even Sirius and Remus seemed uncomfortable in their sleep, surely they could sense James' contained fury.

With a flick of his wand, he set Diana on her feet and gave color back to her skin. Wordlessly, he started walking away.

"Oh, _PLEASE_, Potter," Malfoy mimicked, "Is _that_ how your father taught you? To walk away?"

James stopped stiffly. It took him a long moment to answer. With tension hanging in the air, Sirius opened his eyes.

He saw Malfoy, but before he could do anything about it, James spoke in a low voice.

"I don't have a father anymore."

Silence rang through the waiting room.

No one dared to move, no one's eyes left James' turned back.

Then he walked off until no one heard his footsteps anymore.


End file.
